Life of a Rockstar
by MyCrAzyWorld
Summary: This picks up right where the show left off. Jude left everyone and everything she knew behind her in Toronto. Does she find success without her 'crutch' and what about happiness? Did she make a mistake? Is she really a Rockstar?
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone! I'm sure you all know me from my previous stories and are all wondering why I'm starting a new story when I still haven't finished my story Imagine Me and You. Well the reason is I was was very disappointed with the way the show ended and felt that I had to give it a better ending here on Fanfiction. I know we all have our own opinions for how the show should have ended and what should happen to Jude...well here are my thoughts. I hope you all enjoy this story as much as you have my others. And thanks so much for giving it a chance!**

**In this story everything is as it was at the end of the show. It's just going to pick up on where Instant Star left off. Jude is on her own in London, leaving everyone she loves and everything she knows behind in Toronto. Is she going to be happy? Is she going to find success? How does she handle being without her support system, without her crutch? Find out how Jude handles the _Life of a Rockstar_.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star...if I did it wouldn't have ended like that.**

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**Prologue**

Feeling the car pulling to a slow stop, Jude feels her excitement bubbling up again inside the pit of her stomach. It had been almost six blocks before Jude waved one final time and blown a kiss goodbye before finally sitting down and closing the window. After that, the ride to the airport was more or less uneventful. Looking out the tinted window Jude sees the same mass of a cheering people that had been at her home. "I'm going to wait for airport security Big Lou." Jude says resting back against the seat again. "I think this crowd might be a little to much to handle, even for you." When she hears the deep rumble of laughter from her favorite bodyguard Jude smiles to herself. Sure enough a few minutes later there is a knock on her window and Jude sees there is now am open path made by airport security for her to get safely into the building.

"It looks like they're ready for you now." Big Lou says before climbing out of the car and opening her door for her. "Now you know the drill." He says leaning in close so Jude can hear him over the roar of the crowd.

"Yes I know. Stay behind you and close to your back. Honestly Lou, I don't think we have anything to worry about." Jude says smiling brightly before waving to her fans.

Not bothering to reply, Lou turns around and starts walking. His eyes never stopping their constant scan of the crowd, looking for any possible threat to Jude. Once inside the airport Lou lets himself relax again and turns to see Jude is still outside signing autographs. Grumbling to himself he goes back outside and stands with his arms crossed over his chest, giving Jude his best annoyed face.

Sensing more than seeing Lou's annoyance Jude signs one more quick picture before turning and making a quick dash for the airport doors. "I know, I know. I didn't follow protocol and I could've gotten hurt." Jude says before Lou has a chance to say anything. "But come on Lou!" Jude says turning to stare at him while walking through the airport towards her gate. "I'm leaving Toronto! This is my last chance to say goodbye to all of my fans. I had to stop for them." Jude says before turning back around and starts digging through her bag, looking for her ticket and passport.

"So your fans are important enough to stop and give a proper goodbye, but not Quincy." Lou says quietly, basically to himself, while Jude digs through her bag. As a body guard he makes it a point to never give his opinion on personal matters for the people he protects. But this is one time where he's almost be willing to break his own rules. But knowing when to bud in and when to stay out, Lou decides now is not he time for Jude to receive lectures on her choices. And if Quincy wasn't smart enough to realize he shouldn't let her go, at least not without a fight, than maybe Lou had been wrong about the guy after all. And Jude was better off going alone.

"What was that Lou?" Jude asks looking over her shoulder. When she sees him only shrug his shoulders, she just smiles before turning and continuing in her search for the disappearing passport. Reaching her gate Jude sighs and kneels down on the ground, starting to pull the contents of her bag out and setting them on the ground around her. It would be really bad if she missed her flight because she didn't have it with her.

Noticing the stress on Jude's face Lou bends down, "what are you missing?" he asks.

"My passport!" Jude says looking up at Lou. "I could've sworn I put it in here before I left the house, but now I'm not so sure."

Smiling Lou reaches in his pocket and pulls out Jude's passport. "Sadie told me you would forget this."

Her jaw dropping Jude quickly stuffs everything back into her carry on bag before standing and swiping the passport out of his big hand. "I would not have forgotten it!" And when Lou just stares at her she sighs. "Ok I probably would have, but still...I...Well...Alright, alright you're right, I would've forgotten it. Thank you Lou." Jude says smiling.

"No problem." Lou says shaking his head and smirking. Looking over her head he notices the line getting shorter. "Looks like you better get going. There almost done boarding for your flight."

Looking over her shoulder Jude notices he's right. "Well than...I guess this is goodbye." Jude says stepping towards him and giving him a hug. "Thank you...for everything Lou."

Just nodding his head Lou watches Jude pick up her bag and turn to get in line. Putting his hands in he pockets he feels the corner of the paper and sighs, after making a quick pro con list in his mind, he decides it couldn't hurt, it was meant for her after all. "Jude!" He calls, using her real name for the first time ever. Stepping forward he quickly pulls a little white envelope out of the same pocket that had held her passport. "Here. This is for you."

Surprised, Jude looks at the envelope and than back at Lou. "Oh Lou! You shouldn't have..." But he cuts her off with a shake of his head.

"It's not from me." He says simply.

"But, than..."

"They were with the flowers." Lou says quietly.

"The flowers?" Jude says confused. "What flowers?"

Sighing Lou looks away before quickly looking back at her. "The roses." He says. "You know, the ones from your last concert."

Before Jude or Lou can say anything else a feminine voice comes over the intercom. "Final boarding for flight 141 to London. Final boarding for flight 141."

"I-I have to go." Jude says looking over her shoulder, looking anywhere but at the envelope in her hand. She smiles at Lou before quickly shoving the envelope in her pocket. Turning she hands her boarding pass and passport to the attendant and turns to look back at Lou for one last time before taking back her paper work and disappearing through the gate.

Waiting another moment, Lou turns around to head back towards the car. Darius expected him to return to G-Major after dropping Jude off at the airport. Reaching the exit of the airport he notices a familiar car parked right behind his. Stepping through the doors he senses someone before he sees them.

"Did she really get on the plane?"

Turning around Lou sees Tom Quincy standing behind him. "Yea, I just left her." Lou says wondering if this was the same cocky SOB he used to watch out for back during the Boyz Attack days. Because he didn't see that Tom anymore. The Tom standing in front of him looked as is he could be blown over by a feather. "She's supposed to take off in about five minutes if you wanna try and catch her." Lou says, keeping a small smile to himself over the fact Tommy wasn't fool enough to let Jude go so easily.

With a very weary, sad sigh Tommy shakes his head before running a shaky hand through his hair. Looking over Lou's shoulder towards the inside of airport. "No...she wanted to do this alone." Looking back at Lou, Tommy's gaze still doesn't focus on the big man standing in front of him. "I just--I never thought she'd actually leave without saying goodbye." Turning back around Tommy doesn't even acknowledge Lou calling his name, he just climbs into his car and starts driving. Knowing that once he does stop driving he will have to face the fact that Jude left today, and he didn't know if he was ever going to be ready for that reality.

--

Boarding her flight, Jude tucks her bag under the seat in front of her, but not before pulling out her I-pod. She was an ok flyer as long as she could listen to music to keep her mind off of the fact she was in the air. Unraveling the earphones Jude starts to plug them in her ears when a flight attendant taps her on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry miss Harrison, but you won't be able to play that until we're in the air."

"Oh! Oh sure...no problem." Jude says smiling nicely while raveling her earphones back up. Putting her I-pod in her pocket Jude feels the envelope that Lou had given her just before she had passed through the gate. Pulling it out of her pocket she recognizes the handwriting right away as Tommy's. It was just her name, JUDE, but it was obvious that it was written by him. Feeling a jolt, Jude looks around and realizes that they are getting ready for take off and any moment now they will be rising in the air. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Jude opens the flap of the unsealed envelope and pulls out the small sheet of paper. Which only has writing on the one side. With shaky hands she flips the paper over and it takes her mind a second or so to register what Tommy had written.

_I don't care if you're herding sheep_

_I don't care if you're waiting tables_

_You can even be the worlds biggest rockstar_

_Or simply the normal girl next door_

_I'll still love you_

Jude continues to stare at the words on the card until they start to get blurry from the tears filling her eyes. Looking away and then back down at the card, almost hoping the words will have changed, Jude clears her throat and wipes at her eyes. She knew that leaving Tommy was going to be hardest thing she would have to do, and when it came time for her to say goodbye to him she just couldn't do it. So she had stuck with saying goodbye on stage and hoped that he would understand that she just couldn't face him any other way.

Putting the paper back in the envelope and leaning forward to set it safely in her bag. Looking out the window Jude is surprised to see they are in the air and now notices the seatbelt lights have been shut off. And all of this happened without her notice, when usually take off was the worst part of flying for her. Pulling out her I-pod Jude tries to block out all thoughts of doubt, but in the back of her mind a little voice is telling her that Tommy would've understood, if only she had explained. Shaking her head she turns the music up louder to drown out all other thoughts and rests her head back. It's going to be a long flight to London, she might as well start sleeping now.

--

Landing in London Jude fights back a yawn and turns to find a clock. When she had left Toronto it was almost 3:00 PM but with the five hour time difference and the 11 and a half hour flight it was nearly 8 AM and she had a meeting with the owner of her new record label at 8:30. Since all of her belonging we being shipped she had no reason to go to baggage claim and so swinging her carry on bag over her shoulder she starts walking and soon sees a man in a black suit holding up a sign that says Harrison on it. Walking forward Jude holds out her hand. "Hi I'm Jude Harrison. I'm assuming it's me you're looking for, right?" The man stares at her hand for a moment before he just nodding his head once and then reaches for Jude's bag. "Oh, no, no thank you. I can just hold on to my bag."

"As you wish Ms. Harrison. " Turning he starts walking away. "Just follow me this way." He calls over his shoulder, not even bothering to look back to see if she is following.

Hurrying after him, Jude finally meets up with him outside the airport where he is holding the door open for her to a black Lincoln town-car. "Oh, thank you." Jude says before quickly ducking into the backseat of the car. Turning to ask the man if they were heading to the studio, Jude quickly snaps her head back as he shuts the door in her face. Sighing she leans back in her seat and looks out the window. For some reason the excitement that she felt in the pit of her stomach while leaving Toronto is starting to feel more and more like anxiety and less like excitement. Feeling the car pull away from the curb, Jude looks back at the airport until it is out of view, trying not to acknowledge that the welcoming she got was not what she had pictured in her mind.

Rolling her shoulders she pulls out her cellphone and turns it on, and when the phone goes off announcing she has four missed calls Jude feels a little better. Calling into her voice mail and entering her password Jude waits for the first message.

"_Hi Jude it's just Sadie. I know you're still in the air, but it's almost midnight our time and I just wanted to wish you luck, again, and hope your first day in the studio goes good. Call me when you can, just don't forget the time difference!" _Smiling Jude erases the first message and makes a mental note to call her around noon, that way it'll be 7 there and she will be getting ready for work.

_"Hey dude!" "Hi Jude." "You're on your way to London!" "She obviously knows that Spiedie..." "Karma just let me talk to my best dude Jude, ok?" "Huh! Fine! Good luck Jude." "So hey dude! Good luck over there! Be sure to call often. Don't forget about the best band ever!" Yea Jude we'll miss you!" "Wally you are such a suck up. Jude good luck!" "Dudes! Sorry about that Jude. Wally and Kyle wanted to say bye too. Well I'm getting the glares from the Karma and the guys so I'm going to go. Love you dude!" _Unable to control the laughter, holds on to her stomach. She was really going to miss those three boys and wondered if they were ever going to truly grow up. And as for Karma, she wasn't as bad as she first started out to be.

After having missed the beginning of the first message Jude starts it over and hears Jamie's voice filling her ear. _"Hey Jude. Right now you're probably flying over the Atlantic Ocean. I hope your flight goes well, I know how you feel about flying, and hopefully your first day in the studio goes better than your first day at G-Major. Make sure to show all those people in London how great Jude Harrison truly is. An don't forgot to mention your best bud Jamie and his amazing record label Nana's Basement Records in as many interviews as you can over there, ok? Ha! Just kidding! Good luck Jude, even though I know you're not going to need it." _Deleting Jamie's message Jude just shakes her head. Amazed that even though so much has changed since they had become friends, that so much still seems to have stayed the same.

The last message surprised Jude and she had to play it twice, just for assurance she heard right. _"Ah Jude? This is your father here. I just got off the phone with Sadie and apparently you're on your way to London? London, Jude! I know you're 18 and I can't tell you what to do, but wouldn't a simple phone call saying 'Hey dad, guess what!' Is that too much to ask for? I'm only kidding sweetheart. Congratulations, I am so proud of you. Call me with all the details as soon as you can. Love you honey."_

Exiting out of her voice mail Jude doesn't know if she should be surprised Tommy didn't leave a message. Than going through her missed calls she notices he didn't even try calling either. Closing her phone and shoving it into her pocket Jude looks out her window, but doesn't actually see what's out there. Instead she keeps replaying in her mind the last time she had seen Tommy and wonders, even though she tries to block the thought out of her mind, if that would be the last time she saw Tommy. Noticing they were no longer moving, Jude looks out the window and sees they are parked in front of a building. "Ah...Is this it?" Jude asks and is surprised when her door opens as she was reaching for the handle. Looking up she sees the sign on the doors. Beurmaunt Records. Climbing out of the town car Jude smiles at the driver.

"If you'll follow me, they're are waiting for you." The man says.

Following closely behind him, Jude silently wonders what his name was and if she would get to know him any better. She stops abruptly almost running into a group of people that the driver had stopped to stand by. Looking around she feels her face breaking into a smile when she finally sees a familiar face. "Nicolette! Hi." Jude says taking a step closer to the only person she kind of knows.

"Oh Jude, dear." Nicolette says smiling. "How was your flight? I hope everything went well." Not even waiting for an answer Nicolette turns to the rest of the group and starts to make introductions. "Jude this is Henry Crick, he is the other A and R rep for the label. This is Rebecca Mouns, the head of our PR department and her assistant John Westridge. And I believe you have already met Richard Stutten." Nicolette says pointing to Jude's driver. "He wasn't originally supposed to meet you at the airport, but our normal driver fell sick."

"Oh yes." Jude says, pretending to know who Richard is. "Thank you Mr. Stutten for meeting me at the airport and for the ride. I hope we can keep in touch while I'm here." Oblivious to the slight smirk on everyones faces Jude turns her attention back to Nicolette. "I hope I'm not late."

"Oh no, just on time actually. Today we just wanted to get you introduced to the building and to the people. And hopefully maybe get you in the studio with your producer, you know, get the creative flow going."

Smiling Jude simply nods her head. That was exactly what she wanted to do. She couldn't wait to meet her producer. "Well I'm ready whenever you are." She says rubbing her hands together.

"Great." Nicolette says. "Than Richard, I'm going to let you show Jude around the studio. Make sure she feels comfortable and please don't forget that when Paul gets in today he would like a meeting with you and Jude."

"You can expect him around 2." Rebecca says before continuing her discussion with John.

"I'll remember Nicolette." Richard says smiling before turning to Jude. "If you'll follow me this way, I'll show you to the studio we'll be working in."

Confused, Jude looks back at Nicolette, but notices she's already back in discussion with Rebecca and John. Turning she notices that Richard hasn't waited for her to follow and she once again hurries after him and catches him just as he enters another room she notices right away to be a recording studio. "First of all will you please stop doing that, at least wait for me to follow you before you start walking off. And second of all what's with the silent treatment, why does Nicolette think I should know you? And finally...What do you mean the studio **we'll** be working in?" Jude asks crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, isn't it obvious Jude? I'm your new producer." After a long moment of silence Richard rolls his eyes. "That's right. I keep forgetting. You're the American artist that almost failed out of high school. You're going to be a bit slow on most matters." He says so matter-of-fact.

Shocked into silence, Jude feels her arms fall to her sides and can only stare at the man standing in front of her. Taking a deep breath she can't help but wonder what exactly she had gotten herself into.

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**I hope you all like it so far! The next chapter isn't going to pick up right where this one leads off. It's going to be a few months into the future, after Jude has settled in London more. Thanks for reading and I can't wait to here your opinions.  
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	2. 10 weeks and 3 days

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. My laptop went crazy and crashed on me a couple of months ago and I've been trying to get it working ever since and now...finally...I got it back and it's as good as new! So from now on I'm going to try and do better! I just wanted to say thanks for the reviews from the last chapter, you guys are the greatest! I hope you all enjoy my newest update and thanks so much for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or it's characters.**

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Standing on the sidewalk Jude looks around and immediately recognizes her surroundings, she was back in Toronto. Hearing her name being shouted over and over again, Jude turns around and is surprised to see she is standing outside of her house with tons of fans and reporters calling her name. Looking closer she sees Sadie, Jamie, and herself standing on her front step, and realization sinks in. This was her goodbye to her sister and Jamie before heading to the airport and the next big step in her life.

_She can can still picture the look on Jamie and Sadie's face as she gave them their millionth hug for the day. "I'm still waiting on that tea Sadie." Jude says watching herself giving her sister a big hug. When she sees herself turn to Jamie, Jude looks away not knowing if she could bare the goodbyes again, mid turn Jude stops in her tracks when she sees Tommy standing not even 10 feet away. Walking towards him, Jude doesn't say anything as she settles at his side. Noticing his concentration, Jude follows his gaze and doesn't know is she should be surprised that it's her he's staring at with such passion and...pain._

_Taking her gaze off of Tommy, Jude looks back at herself and she knows the second she sees Tommy because her whole body freezes and Jude can remember the thoughts running through her mind when their eyes had met over the crowd. In the next instant Jude watches as she shakes her head and sends him one quick smile before climbing into the limo. Turning back to Tommy, Jude voices all the thoughts that had been running through her head in that single moment their eyes had met. "What are you doing! Go after her! If you love her, go get her! She loves you, you moron!" When Tommy doesn't even flinch, Jude wonders if he can even hear her. Sighing she runs a hand through her hair. "Why are you just standing here, watching her walk out of your life? She needs you...Tommy." Looking away from him Jude notices the limo, and the crowd chasing after it, are almost out of sight. "Tommy. I-I need you." Jude says quietly, the shakiness of her voice evident to her own ears._

_Tommy turns to look at Jude, smiling, one of his sad, gut wrenching smiles that make you melt, he lifts his hand and pulls a loose strand of hair off of Jude's face and tucks it behind her ear. Shaking his head, he than lifts his other hand and rests it on Jude's other cheek and steps closer, resting his forehead on hers. "You...don't need me Jude. Not anymore. You said it yourself. Your head isn't here, with me and you. So go and find where it's at. See where it leads you. Who knows? That head of yours might just surprise you and bring you right back here." Pulling away Tommy kisses Jude's forehead and stares deep into Jude's eyes. "Until your head is here, this will never work." He says running a hand softly down her cheek before turning and walking away, leaving Jude to stare after him.  
_

_"But... What about my heart?" Jude asks watching as Tommy's back disappears into darkness and slowly so does everything else._

--

Hearing the familiar ring of her cellphone, Jude rolls over in bed and smacks it as if it were her alarm clock and only groans when it doesn't stop ringing. Sitting up and glaring at the evil contraption, Jude smiles blissfully when the annoying ringing stops. Falling back into the warmth and comfort of her bed, but her joy only lasts until she hears the familiar ring of her phone announcing she has a voicemail. Reaching over Jude blindly grabs her phone and hits the speed dial button and enters her password to gain access to her inbox. Pressing speaker phone Jude sets the phone down on her chest and listens to the automated voice announce one new message and then Sadie's muffled voice fills the room.

_"Jude, I hope I'm not interrupting something. I just have no idea what you're doing right now. Since you're always so secretive about your life there... Anyways, I'm just calling to let you know that I have plans to be in London later on this week and wanted to let you know so we could make plans for while I am there. I plan to fly in Thursday night and will be heading home that Monday. I can't wait to see you Jude. We really miss you here. Anyways, call me when you get this. Don't worry about the time difference."_

Erasing the message Jude sits up in bed feeling a little better than before. A visit from Sadie was just the thing Jude needed to finally embrace her new life here in London. It had been a little over two months since Jude had left Toronto and she couldn't put her finger on it really, but something didn't fit. Something just wasn't working here. And Jude was really afraid that that something, was her. That was the reason every time she talked to Sadie, Jamie, and even Speed for that matter, she was always vague about her time in London and, more often than not, changed the subject back to them and their lives back in Toronto, keeping the focus away from her. And for the most part it was easy. With Jamie she just had to ask a question about NBR or Zepplin and he would be off on a tangent in his own little world. And all she had to do with Speed is mention Karma and he would be off on another rant on how she was driving him insane about the apartment they had to move into. And even for awhile there with Sadie she got away with it, but not anymore. Sadie started to notice and, just like a dog with a bone, kept working away, trying to find out the details. Groaning, Jude gets out of bed and stretches. The only problem with Sadie coming here was Jude wouldn't be able to hide how out of place she felt. Sadie would be there, witnessing it all and that would be the end of the charade.With thoughts of calling her sister back and making plans for her visit going off in her head, Jude practically jumps out of her skin when her alarm goes off. Turning she hits the off button and heads to the bathroom to shower.

30 minutes later Jude leaves her apartment, making sure to turn on the security system before leaving. Completely ignoring the cobblestone path that leads to her car, Jude walks through her own front lawn. Making sure to keep her head down so the paparazzi wouldn't be able to snag a picture of her in another compromising, but completely untrue, situation. After her first week here Jude realized that now matter what she did she would never be able to avoid the press completely, especially since she lived in the exclusive and prestigious Knotting Hill. She would have to remember to thank Nicolette for the wonderful tip on living here. So what if Bjork was right next door, the paparazzi had them surrounded 24/7. Jude still remembered the night she got a ride home from one of the techies at work. The car hadn't been stopped ten seconds and cameras were swarming the vehicle, the worst part was the techie decided to use it to his advantage and started to lean towards Jude, who was so shocked at what was happening was unaware of the techs intentions. Luckily she was trying to avoid the camera flashes, and was swinging her head from side to side, that she inadvertently head butted the guy. After that, Jude went out and purchased her own car and avoided all the techies at the label. Unlocking her door, Jude gets behind the wheel and buckles in. Looking out her window she sees a flash go off and wonders if maybe she should have listened to Tommy about Knotting Hill. And with just that brief thought of Tommy Jude's mind wanders off to the dream she had and the man she couldn't seem to get out of her head.

It had been over two months, ten weeks and three days to be exact, since Jude had left Toronto and she hadn't heard from Tommy since that night at her concert. He hadn't tried calling or emailing her. There wasn't even a little text to make sure she had landed safely and everything was alright. Nothing! But in all fairness Jude hadn't tried getting a hold of him either. It's just, every time she tried picking up the phone to call him, her dialing finger always seemed to chicken out at the last moment and she would find herself making random phone calls to Sadie, where they would have a five minute conversation repeating everything they had talked about earlier. Then they would hang up and Jude would throw her phone on the ground and curse herself for being a giant chicken. But she didn't know what to say to him. She didn't even know if he wanted to hear from her. So she waited, hoping that every day he would call. And every day when he didn't, Jude felt more and more sure that he wanted nothing to do with her.

The sound of her cellphone in her pocket breaks Jude out of her depressing thoughts and for one heart stopping moment Jude wonders if maybe thinking about Tommy calling was a sign that he was now finally ready to talk. But in the next instant realizes how unlikely that was and not even bothering to check the caller ID figures it's Sadie calling again. "Hey Sades. So I was thinking..."

"Who is Sades? You know what, it doesn't even matter right now. Jude just get here. Where are you at anyways?"

Surprised to hear Richards voice filling her ear Jude's mind fumbles a moment. "Oh, umm... I'm sitting in my ca,r outside my apartment." Jude says putting the car in drive and pulling away from the curb.

"Well you need to get to the studio, right now."

"What? Why? I thought I didn't have studio time until 11:30. That gives me almost three hours until I need to be there."

"This isn't about your music Jude, or lack there of." Richard says into the phone. Jude can hear him talking to someone on his side of the phone, and from what she can hear it's probably one of the engineers. "I'm not explaining this over the phone. Just get here."

Before Jude can even respond Richard has hung up. Grumbling to herself she takes the longer way to work, making what's normally a 15 minute drive nearly a 40 minute drive. Pulling into the alloted parking spaces for Beurmaunt Records employees, Jude gets out and locks the door to her car and heads into the building. Wondering what she could have done now to tick Richard off.

--

It was almost nine AM in London, but back in Toronto it was only quarter to four... in the morning. Tommy just kept wandering, ignoring the the ungodly hour and the fact most sane people were still at home in their beds, or at least had a good reason for being out at this time. Tommy didn't have a good reason to be out, which just left the question of his sanity. And if he wanted to be truthful he would have to say the he, Tom Quincy, hadn't been sane in almost three months...ten weeks and three days to be exact. Since Jude had left nothing in Toronto was the same. Everything and everyone he saw reminded him of Jude and the time they had spent together. These last ten weeks had opened Tommy's eyes to what he had actually put Jude through when he had left for New Brunswick and when he went to the states to pick up Darius's kid. He had never imagined how empty a person could truly feel, how alone you could be even when surrounded by others.

Coming to a stop, Tommy only shakes his head when he sees where he had ended up. It wasn't a surprise. Whenever he did these insane walks he always ended up in the same spot. Almost as if coming back to the scene he could change the outcome. But it never worked, she still always left. Standing in the same spot he stood the day Jude left, Tommy closes his eyes and he's back there, watching as she said goodbye to her sister, as she said goodbye Jamie. He remembered thinking she was one of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and not just on the outside. He was amazed that how Jude entered this industry at 15 and after four years of the deception and the temptation she still was detached from it, she was still Jude. He loved that about her. He just wished he would've been better at showing her how much. He only hoped that she knew that he still loved her, that that would never change. It was hope that kept him grounded, knowning that home in her heart was here in Toronto with Sadie and Jamie...and with him. Opening his eyes Tommy stares at the dark Harrison house.

"My nana told me there was some strange man standing outside the house. She feared whoever it was was casing the joint. I just barely stopped her from calling the police." Jamie says walking up to stand next to Tommy. "So tell me Quincy. Is there a reason why you're standing on our front lawn at four in the morning?"

Looking at Jamie, Tommy's shoulders slump. This had to be the worlds all time low for Tommy. Turning to face him he shrugs his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry her. It won't happen again." He says before turning to leave.

"Tom, I know this isn't the first time you've found yourself standing on my front lawn." Jamie says stopping Tommy in his tracks. When he just gives Jamie a surprised and confused look Jamie stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Zepplin talks in her sleep and sometimes she wakes me up in the middle of the night and I come up here to get some fresh air. I've noticed you standing there on a number of occasions."

"It's nothing man." Tommy says quickly, looking away.

"I get it Tommy." Jamie says sighing and crossing his arms. He never imagined he would find himself in this situation. With him and Tommy standing on his front lawn, discussing Jude. "You miss her. We all miss her. But why do you keep coming back here? She isn't there anymore Quincy." Jamie says looking toward the Harrison home. They both stand there in silence. Jamie wondering if this was just a waste of time and Tommy wishing so many things could be different.

"I didn't do anything." Tommy finally says breaking the silence. "I just let her go Jamie."

"Do you think you could have done anything to stop her? She was going Quincy, it didn't matter what anyone said to her."

"You don't think I know that Andrews. I may not have known Jude as long as you have, but I know Jude." Tommy says turning to face Jamie. "She needed to do this."

"Than...why?" Jamie asks at a loss for words.

"I didn't even say goodbye. I just watched her walk out of my life and I wonder if maybe I made it to easy on her."

Jamie almost laughs at that. "Easy!" He shouts forgetting for a moment the time. "Easy!" He repeats much lower. "If you think it was easy for Jude to leave. Than this conversation is over." Letting that sink in a second, Jamie takes a deep breath. "She came to me, the day of her concert." At the surprised expression that crossed Tommy's face Jamie knows this is the first he's ever heard of his and Jude's conversation. "I don't think I've ever seen Jude so torn before."

"Why are you telling me this." Tommy asks.

"It wasn't easy for her Tommy. Just like I know it wasn't easy for you to let her go."

"I didn't even say goodbye. I just...I couldn't say goodbye." Tommy says, his voice raspy. "It was hard enough just standing back and watching her go, I don't think I could've managed actually saying the words to her. And I worry she doesn't know."

"She knows that it wasn't easy for you to watch her go." Jamie says nodding his head. "We all know that." But Tommy doesn't respond. "I think the next step is for you to accept that what's done, is done Quincy. Now the question is, what are you going to do next." Turning to walk back in to his house, Jamie stops before walking through his front door and looks over his shoulder. "Just do me a favor Quincy. Stop lurking outside, ok? The next time you feel the urge. I suggest you pick up your phone and trying calling her. Who knows, she might have as many questions needed answered as you do."

Shaking his head, Tommy gives one last quick glance at the Harrison home before turning and retracing his steps. He wanted to call Jude, he dialed the phone so many times, only to hang up before it even got a chance to ring. But if she wanted to talk, why didn't she call him? She was the one that left. She was the one that asked him to let her go. He was doing what she wanted, wasn't he? Maybe she wanted to talk, but was afraid he didn't. Feeling a headache coming on, Tommy rubs his temples and pulls out his cell phone. Dialing the familiar number his thumb pauses over the send button, but taking a deep breath he presses it and looks at the phone another second before pulling it to his ear before he has a chance to hang up. Instead of hearing the familiar sound of the phone ringing Tommy gets a busy signal and hangs up. Shaking his head in frustration he shoves the phone back into his pocket and keeps walking.

--

"What's going on?" Jude asks walking into studio 3.

"What took you so long?" Richard asked looking at his watch.

"I'm sorry. Next time you call and tell me to hurry to the studio I'll strap on my jet pack and fly right on over. Oh, oh! Or better yet! I'll hit the warp speed button I had installed on my car and I can be here in ten seconds."

"Real cute Jude." Richard says rolling her eyes and sounding more than slightly annoyed. "Will you just stop with the not so clever quips and come with me. Paul and Nicolette are waiting for us."

Annoyed at the attitude Richard always seems to have with her, Jude's mental filter shuts down as she follows him out of the studio. "Oh my gawd! It's called joking around Dick!" She says using the nickname he hates. "Tommy said that joking around helped create a better working atmosphere."

Richard, who had learned to ignore Jude's little rants and catty comments stopped in his tracks. "I've told you this before and I'll say it again. I am not that booty shaking, wannabe producer, Tom Quincy. It's about time you got that through your head." Turning back around he tries his hardest to ignore the look on Jude's face as he knocks on Paul's door. "Now I suggest you lose the attitude." Pulling open the door to Paul's office he watches Jude walk past him and sit down in one of the open seats, she doesn't even bother looking at him. Closing the door Richard sits down in the other chair and looks across the desk at Paul and Nicolette.

Paul is the first one to break the silence. "I'm sure you know why we're here." He says making eye contact with both of them. Jude didn't know how she felt about Paul. He was almost the opposite of Darius, which she figured she would like, but at the same time he didn't seem to understand the music industry at all. Didn't know the first thing about what it took to make the music and didn't seem the least bit interested in learning. All he cared about was the bottom line, was he making money? Which was the only similarity with Darius Jude saw. "Jude we overlooked the incident outside your apartment when you first got here. We understood you were caught completely off guard and there was no truth to the story."

Confused with where this was going Jude nods her head. "Yes. But I don't understand why that's being brought up now."

"I think you should just show her the papers. She doesn't normally read them so I'm sure she has no idea what you'll be refering to." Richard says, but Jude was surprised he didn't sound rude or snide.

"What we're getting at Jude is this." Nicolette says throwing down a couple of papers on the desk.

Picking them up, Jude's jaw drops at the headlines. _"All play and no work Harrison?" _was on the cover of one of London's most read tabloids. _"Has Harrison lost her voice?" _Was on the cover of another. Looking up at Nicolette and Paul, Jude shakes her head. "I don't get it? What are they talking about?"

"There talking about how you've been here for over two months Jude and we have nothing to show for it. Except for tons of tabloid picks showing you at various clubs and getting a bunch of publicity. People are starting to wonder if you're here for your music or maybe this is one big publicity stunt for you."

"That's not it at all." Jude says leaning forward and setting the papers back down. "The only reason I go to half of the those things is because Rebecca..."

"That's not the point Jude." Nicolette says cutting off her defense. "We've gone over your work from the studio."

"You what!?" Richard says sitting up straighter, letting Jude know he was just as surprised to hear that as she was. Another thing she found annoying about Paul, he had to have his hand in everything...even if he didn't know what was going on.

"We wanted to see if there was anything that we could give to the press. Something to show Jude had been working hard on her fourth album. The problem is we have nothing to give them."

"It takes some time to start up another album after just finishing one." Jude says, keeping the worry out of her voice. "I'm sure we'll have something in the next week or so." She says looking over at Richard who was staying silent. Jude didn't know if she wanted to scream at him to say something or be grateful he wasn't agreeing with them over her lack of success in the studio.

"You're going to have something by tomorrow Jude." Paul says leaning forward and staring at Jude. "You're not leaving this building until you have a song perfect for Friday."

"But what about my other artists?" Richard asks, finally speaking up.

"They've all been informed they have the next couple of days off." Nicolette says picking up the papers off of Paul's desk.

"Your number one priority right now is to get Jude ready for Friday." Considering the meeting over with, Paul stands up and puts on his suit jacket and heads out of the office.

"Friday night we're putting on a concert with a mixture of our artists. Jude you'll be performing a set of four songs. We expect at least one of them to be new." Stopping in the doorway of the office she looks at them over her shoulder. "I suggest you two get started. And whatever differences you're facing with each other I hope you get over them fast." Walking out of the office, she leaves them both sitting there in silence.

Daring a look at Richard, Jude sees him sitting there with a stone cold expression on his face. "I don't know what to say. I-I'm sorr..." Jude starts to say leaning towards him, but he cuts her off.

"We need to get started." Richard says standing up. "I'm sure we both want to get this over with."

"You have no idea." Jude says following him out of the office.

* * *

**I know...probably not what you're expecting, but I hope you guys still like where this is going! I promise now that my laptop is up and running it shouldn't be as long between chapters! I can't wait to hear what you're all thinking. Your reviews are what keep the story going and let me know if I'm doing the characters justice. So thanks so much for reading and I'm so grateful for the reviews!**


	3. 5 hours

**Hey everyone! I am so sorry that I took so long again to update this story. This time I have no excuse. I struggled really hard with this chapter, more so than I normally do, and I didn't want to update until I felt a little better with it. I'm just so grateful for all of you who are reading and reviewing, it's because of you that I work so hard to get this story right. I hope you all enjoy this update and I will work as hard as possible to get another update in soon. Hopefully I won't struggle as hard with the next chapter! Thanks again to everyone!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or the characters.**

**--**

Jude entered studio 3 and was confused when she didn't find Richard there waiting for her. He had gotten a good head start on her since when she stepped out of Paul's office she got stopped by Rebecca in the main lobby to discuss the concert Friday. Sitting down on the couch, the only comfortable seat in the studio besides Richards chair, Jude starts to rub her temples, trying to fight off the already budding headache. How had she gotten herself into this situation? She hadn't been in London three months and she was already in trouble with her label and a tabloid target. But wasn't that the life of a rockstar?

"If you're done sulking, we have some work to do. " Richard said from the doorway of the studio.

"I'm not sulking." Jude says glaring him.

"Really?" Richard asks shutting the door behind him and sitting in his swivel chair. "Because I saw when I walked in here was you sitting all alone in the studio, rubbing your temples, and I'm pretty sure that bottom lip of yours was forming into a pout. Now if that's not sulking, please enlighten me to what is."

"I was just thinking." Jude said resting back into the couch, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well unless you're thinking up impeccable lyrics, with a great hook, and a chord pregression that a two year old wouldn't be able to come up with…I'm not interested."

Gaping at him for a solid minute, Jude silently seethes. Finally after counting to ten, twice, Jude leans forward and clasps her hands together. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you are a complete ass and instead ask you what we're going to do."

"Well I would think it's obvious Jude." Richard says. "We're going to do what Paul says and write the first song for your fourth album." When Jude just looks at him like he's grown a second head, he sighs. "What! You were in the office when he gave his orders. It's not like we have a choice."

"But like you said. What about your other artists?"

"Well that's where I was actually. I went to my office to check in with them and they've all been reasigned." The complete control in Richards voice was a dead give away how upset he truly was.

Surprised that Paul and Nicolette would do that Jude doesn't really know what to say. "For how long?" She finally asks.

For the first time since he had entered the studio he made eye contact with Jude. "Indefinitely."

Jude has never been very good at concealing her thoughts and when she hears he's loss all his artists, except her, she knows her face reflects the shock she is feeling. "I-I don't know what to say."

"Yea well there's nothing to say, now is there?" Richard says turning to the sound board.

"I feel like this is my fault. I'm so sor…"

"Yea, well, it is your fault Jude." Richard says turning back to look at her scowling.

Jude doesn't know if she should be surprised that he blames her. And even though she does feel guilty that he has lossed his other artists idefinitely, she doesn't think he should openly blame her. But before she has a chance to talk back Richard is already talking again.

"You came here with nothing, nothing ready to record, nothing to work with. And I accepted that. But you've been here over two months and you still have brought nothing new to the table. All you have is new chords for old songs. But that's not going to get it done Jude. You need to come up with something new. Your career depends on you coming up with something new." Letting his words sink in, Richard lets his head drop and sighs. "And if you don't…soon the fans will fade away, finding an artist with new songs and a new sound. And the press will get harsher, until they too leave you alone. And than, Jude Harrison will only be a memory." Turning back around to look at Jude, he sees that she's staring down at her hands and wonders if she was even paying attention to him. He sees no reaction in her to let him know she's heard him and he honestly doesn't know if he should be surprised. "You know what Jude." He says standing up. " I don't even care. This is your career, not mine." Not bothering to look back at her, he leaves her sitting alone in the studio.

Watching Richard disappear down the hallway leading to his office, Jude contemplates going after him and finally having it out with him. They had been tip-toeing around the same argument for weeks now. Instead, she pulls her journal out of her bag and flips to the next blank page. Before she has a chance to write her cellphone rings, and instead of ignoring it like she should, Jude pulls it out of her pocket and looks at the caller ID before answering. "Hey Sades."

"Jude I know you're probably working in the studio, but I just wanted to make sure you got my message about my visit. I know I said earlier that I would be arriving Thursday, but my plans have changed and Darius wants me there Wednesday, but I'll still be leaving Monday."

"Wow. Wednesday, Sades?" Jude says her heart sinking. "But that's… tomorrow."

"Yea I know it's short notice, but you won't even notice I'm there, I swear." Sadie says cheerfully. "I'm technically there to work on World Instant Star, but that's only going to take a day or two, so you won't have to even worry about me then. And even if I'm not working, I just want to see you Jude. I want to see your life there."

"I want to see you too Sades." Jude says quietly, sure that Sadie hadn't heard her.

"I can't wait to see your new label. I've been doing research on Beurmaunt Records and I haven't been able to find much. And I want to meet your new producer."

"Richard." Jude says when there is a lull in Sadies ramble. "I don't know if you're going to get a chance to meet him Sades. He's pretty busy and I just don't know." Jude says looking down at her lap. She didn't want Sadie to meet Richard, but since Sadie was arriving tomorrow there was no way to prevent it since Richard and her were supposed to be attached at the hip until the concert on Friday. "What time is your flight landing tomorrow Sades?" Jude asks getting the topic away from Richard and Beurmaunt Records.

"Let me look." Sadie says and Jude can hear paper being shuffled around. "My flight lands at 3 Wednesday afternoon." Sadie says coming back on the phone. "Now I told Darius I wouldn't need to stay in a hotel that I could just stay with you. Is that ok?"

"Yea sure." Jude says. "Mi casa, su casa. You know that."

"That's great! Thanks Jude." Sadie says, but Jude can tell her attention is drifting from their conversation. "Listen Jude, Darius needs me now. So how bout we try and talk later, ok? But I'll for sure see you tomorrow at 3! Love you Jude, bye!"

Before Jude even has a chance to respond Sadie has hung up the phone, leaving Jude to listen to silence.

"I can't believe this." Richard says standing in the doorway to the studio. "You're on your cellphone." Walking towards her Richard rests his hands on his hips and stares down at her. "I don't know if I should shake you till something snaps in your brain or just ring your neck and be done with this." Realizing that neither option will help the situation he takes a deep breath before reaching down and grabbing her cellphone.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jude says reaching out for her phone, but Richard keeps it out of her reach.

Putting it in his pocket Richard turns and pulls up his chair to sit. "I'm taking away your last distraction." Looking down at the notebook in her lap he pulls out a pen and hands it to her. "Maybe now you'll be able to write." Smirking at the look of outrage on her face he shrugs his shoulders. "If looks could kill…" Leaning back in his chair he crosses him arms and stares at her, waiting for her to react.

Jude knew she had a couple of options. She could throw the pen at him, which was very tempting, but wouldn't be very effective or productive. She could storm out of the studio, but knew that would only lead to more trouble. Or she could try an work it out and get through this. "This isn't going to work if you sit there and stare at me like that."

"Well I have nothing else to do since my only job right now is to make sure you have a song by Friday."

"Well you're going to have to figure something out than, because if you try and force a song out of me, it's going to end up being shit. And despite what you might think, I do actually care about my music and the message I send out to my fans." When he doesn't move or even blink, Jude huffs and turns on the couch so she's facing the wall and looks down at the journal, trying to write, but out of the corner of her eye she can still see Richard staring at her, feel his gaze on her. "If you want a song from me than back off!" She says glaring at him.

Sighing he leaves Jude to sit on the couch and turns back to the mixing board to keep himself busy.

--

G-Major studios was lively with action and at the center of it all was owner, and music mogul, DariusM Mills. Standing in the doorway of his office, staring out at the lobby Darius wonders how long it will be before things start to die down. He knew it was coming. He just didn't know how long he had before that happened. And he hated to admit it, but it was his fault. He had let Jude go, but with every intention of bringing her back. He had never imagined that she would be picked up that fast. He knew she was still a hot commodity, but he figured he could keep all competition away, but he had been wrong. He only hoped World Instant Star would be a success.

"Darius, I need to talk to you about my going to London." Sadie says coming up to stand in front of him.

Looking her up and down, he motions for her to follow him into the office. "Have a seat." Darius says, shutting the door and walking around to sit in his chair on the other side of the desk. "Everything is in 

order. You're to meet with the production crew there in London and discuss World Instant Star. We plan to start the search within the next month and we want to make sure they're on the same page."

"I get that." Sadie says. "But what I don't understand is why I need to go to London to set this up. I could just as easily stay here and call them. This isn't something that would require me flying there for a face to face meeting…Unless I'm going to London for more than one reason." She says, knowing that with Darius there was always a hidden agenda.

"I just thought you might like to visit with Jude while you're there." He says innocently, which for Darius is a dead giveaway that he's up to something. "You know, make sure everything is going ok for her there."

Hearing what he's saying and catching what he's not Sadie sighs and slams her hand down on the armrest of the chair and stands up. "I'm not going to London for World Instant Star, am I?" Sadie says, her voice daring him to lie. This is what Darius found attractive about her. Her fire, her attitude. It was almost too much. "I'm going there to spy on my sister and her new label. To see if there's a chance she'd be willing to come back here." Leaning forward to stare Darius directly in the eye, she glares at him.

"So maybe I want you to test the waters a little bit." Darius says leaning forward and clasping his hands together. "She's your sister, don't you want to make sure she's happy?" Before either one can say anything else there is a knock and than Darius's door is being opened before he can respond.

"Hey D. I just needed to talk to…" Tommy says stepping, but stopping before his body is halfway through the door. "Oh sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt…whatever this is." He says starting to leave again.

"Come in Tom." Darius calls before he gets a chance to shut the door. "I thought I gave you a three month vacation T." Darius says once the door is closed again.

"You did."

"Well by my calculations you have almost three weeks before you're supposed to be back here."

Tommy finally makes eye contact with Darius. "I don't need the three weeks D. I'm fine now."

"Are you sure Tom." Sadie says, her eyes stopping their scan of him. Resting on his eyes and the dark circles underneath them, obvious signs to the sleepless nights he'd been having.

Tommy finally looked at Sadie and he saw sympathy staring back at him. She had tried reaching out to him a number of times since Jude had left, knowning that he would take it harder than most. And everytime he said the same thing. 'He was fine. He didn't need her worrying about him. If she wanted to worry about someone, why not Kwest. The man who's heart she had broke.' And everytime Sadie told him she would never give up on him. And even though Tommy didn't voice it, he thought she sounded just like Jude, when she said she would never give up on him. It was a Harrison trait…to be tenacious and stubborn.

"I'm sure." Tommy says simply looking back at Darius.

"Well I must say I'm glad to have you back than T." Darius says smiling. "With you on leave and Kwest quitting I've been struggling without two of my usual producers."

"Ok than." Tommy says with a hallow smile. "I'll get to work than."

"Tom." Darius calls, stopping him in the doorway. "I want you to be sure about this. I'm going to want 100 in the studios and I won't accept anything less."

Nodding his head Tommy looks over his shoulder. "You can count on it." He says before walking out and closing the door behind him.

Staring after him Sadie sighs and sits back down. Tommy's interruption had taken the wind out of Sadie's sails. "I don't like this Darius." She says turning to look at him. "With Jude gone there's no telling what to expect from Tom."

Sighing Darus sits back in his chair. "I know that. But what other choice do I have? With Kwest gone that leaves me two part time producers that, combined, know about as much as I do about producing an album and have about the same amount of experience."

"But is it smart to put him back in the studio when he's still on an emotional roller coaster?"

Staring at Sadie and noticing the concern etched on her face Darius knows he's misisng something. "What was going on with Jude and Tom when she left?" He asks and sees Sadie visibly tense. "Sadie?" Darius says, drawing her attention away from the closed door.

Sighing Sadie folds her hands. "Tommy proposed to Jude." Sadie says, almost laughing at the look of surprise that crosses Darius's face. "The planned to announce it the night of her last concert."

"But…"

"But Jude had a…a change of heart or something. I honestly don't know what happened. Anyways. Instead of singing her basement song and making the announcement as planned…"

"She broke up with him on stage." Darius says, his voice a mixture of awe and disbelief.

"Not exactly, but close enough." Sadie says sighing again. "Than the next day she was off to London and the last I heard she hasn't spoken to Tom since." There is silence that neither really know how to fill. "I know you need Tommy here to produce, but I think it would be smart to keep an eye on him."

"Yea, I know."

Looking down at the folder in her hand, Sadie is brought back to the reason why she had come to Darius in the first place. "About London…"

"If you don't want to spy on Jude and the new label for me, I understand."

"Thanks Darius." Sadie says standing to leave. "If it's ok I would still like to go to London though." At the questioning look Darius gives her Sadie smiles. "I never said I didn't want to spy on my sister. I just wanted you to admit you had a hidden agenda." With that parting shot, Sadie leaves Darius laughing alone in his office.

--

They had been closed up in the studio for almost five hours and Richard was sure he was going to go insane if he had to listen to Jude sigh, wiggle around on the couch, and than there was the sound of paper ripping and being crumpled up. Turning he sees the small white ball soar through the air and land on the ground in front of the waste basket where it gets lost in the dozens of other wads of crumpled paper. Turning the rest of the way, Richard sees Jude sitting, legs crossed, face down scribbling in her journal. Five minutes later she still hasn't looked up and the only thing to have moved 

is her hand scribbling away. Ten minutes after that she's repeating her cycle. A sigh, wiggle on the couch, the paper being ripped out of the book, and then the crumpling and theres the throw. Turning only his head he watches as the paper actually lands in the waste basket. "Are you practicing to be a NBA star?" Richard asks breaking the silence.

Jude doesn't respond with an answer, but she doesn't start writing either. Laying her notebook aside she stretches her arms up and over her head and twists her back from left to right. Letting out a groan Jude rubs the soar muscles on her neck before finely stopping to stare first at the wads of paper all over the ground than at Richard. "I think I might need a little more practice first." Jude says ruefully.

"I take it that means you still have nothing." He says refering to all the paper on the ground.

"Wow, aren't you the observant one." Jude says, before sighing and shutting her journal with a thud. Rubbing a hand over her eyes she takes a deep breath. "Sorry. I get a little surly when I'm being pressured." She says giving him a knowing look.

Ignoring the taunt to start another argument, Richard leans towards Jude. "How bout we put aside our differences for now, we try and write a song together. Maybe between the both of us we'll be able to come up with something."

Wishing she could turn down his offer, Jude knows she can't. She was coming up with nothing on her own and it was time she admitted defeat and let him help her, or at least let him try. "Fine." She says opening her notebook again and looking at him, waiting for him to give her instructions. In the two months she had been there they had never tried writing a song together, neither wanting to spend that much time in the same room with each other. Now they have no choice and it was awkward at best.

"What do you want this song to be about?" Richard asks.

"I don't know." Jude says glumly.

"Is it about a girl…and a guy?"

"I don't know."

"They could be fighting…"

"I don't know."

"They could fill millions of books with stuff you don't know Jude." Richard says on a sigh. "That's not the point right now. We need a song. And you need to stop resisting."

"No." Jude says standing up and throwing the journal down on the couch. "What I need is a break." And before he could argue Jude is at the door. "I'll be back in an hour." Making sure the door bangs shut behind her, Jude storms through the lobby, ignoring the looks from the interns and techies.

Confused and angered by the fact Jude is being so difficult, Richard runs hand through his hair. He needed this to work or Nicolette and Paul would start second guessing his abilities as a producer. What annoyed him more than anything was that he hadn't asked for Jude as an artist, in fact he had been against the idea of signing the Canadian singer from the word go. But now he was stuck with her and she was proving every day how right he had been. If only he could drop her, but it wasn't that easy. Looking at the journal Jude had left behind; Richard leans forward and grabs it. She had it with her every day in the studio; it never seemed to be far from her reach. Flipping through the pages all he 

sees is blank empty paper. Sighing he tosses it back down on the couch and the book opens up to the first page where there is actual writing. Leaning forward Richard recognizes the writing as lyrics. Grabbing the journal and leaning back in his chair he smiles as he starts to read the lyrics again.

--

**Again I am so so sorry that I took so long to update this story. Like I said, I've been having some difficulties with these characters and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. So now that I've posted I hope you're all happy with the end result. I'm still not too sure of this chapter, I feel like it could use some work still, but I hope you all enjoy it! I just want to quickly thank you all for reviewing, you guys are the greatest. Thank you!**


	4. That Was Us

**I am a horrible person and am so sorry for completely disappearing on you guys! I actually had about half of this chapter typed up, but I just couldn't finish it and be happy with the end result and I didn't want to post a really short chapter so I saved what I had and than life kinda got in the way and I hate to say that I didn't really have a chance to write for a while. But I'm back now! And I've already started the next chapter! So it shouldn't be nearly as long a wait between posts I swear and I hope you all don't hate me! Anyways enough with the rambling, I just want to say again how sorry I am for not posting! I hope the chapter is worth the wait!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! I am a poor soon to be freshman in college, please don't sue!**

* * *

Sighing for what must've been the millionth time Richard looks down at his watch and back up at door to the studio. It had been an hour and there was still no sign of Jude. Grabbing his cellphone off of the soundboard he flips through his contacts until he lands on Jude and hits send. The next instant he hears ringing and he realizes it's coming from his pocket. Groaning he pulls out Jude's phone and stares at the screen 'Dick calling' is flashing. "Haha Jude, very funny." Richard says hanging up his phone and setting both his and Jude's phone on the soundboard he turns in a circle to stare at the door. Ten minutes later he looks down at his watch and than back at the door and holds back a groan when he sees Nicolete staring back at him.

"Where's Jude? Rebecca said she saw her storm out of here over and hour ago."

"She's running an errand. I expect her back any minute now." She better be here soon, Richard thinks to himself, noticing the look of annoyance and impatience on Nicolettes face.

"You two are supposed to be working on Jude's new song. I don't understand how you can be doing that without Jude."

"Really Nicolette she hasn't been gone that long." Only an hour and...fifteen minutes Richard notes sneaking a look at his watch.

"Well do you guys have anything yet?" She asks crossing her arms over her chest. "You've had over six hours to work, I hope you have something to show for it."

"We do!" Richard says quickly, grabbing Jude's journal off of the soundboard. "Look at this." He says opening it to the first page and showing Nicolette the lyrics he discovered an hour ago.

Disbelieving that the words were actual lyrics, Nicolette grabs the journal and starts to read the lyrics. When she is finished she looks up at Richard and smiles. "Well that is brilliant. I told Paul you guys would pull it off." Hearing the sound of the door behind her, Nicolette turns to see Jude standing in the doorway. "Ah Jude! You're back. And just it time."

"Ah...yea?" Jude says confused looking at Richard, who was glaring at her over Nicolettes shoulder. Looking down at her watch she saw she was almost 30 minutes late.

"Richard was just showing me the lyrics you have come up with for your new song and I must say they are great. I know Paul will be pleased."

"My...lyrics?" Finally looking at Nicolette and noticing what she was holding in her hands, Jude feels her jaw clench. Looking back at Richard she is now the one glaring at him. "My lyrics!" She says pasting on a fake smile. "Well I think they need a little more work, but I'm glad you like them." Jude says reaching for her journal.

"Well I'll let you two get to work." Nicolette says handing the book to Jude and leaving them alone in the studio.

Turning and watching Nicolette leave, making sure the door was closed before turning back to stare at Richard Jude takes a deep breath, but knows it's no use. She was pissed. "How dare you!" She starts out with, throwing the journal on the couch. "You had no right to read that, let alone show it to Nicolette! That...that is personal! That song is personal!"

"You didn't exactly leave me a choice Jude!" Richard shouts back at her. He knew she had a right to be upset, but there was no way he was going to sit there and let her yell at him. "You storm out of here. I did what I had to."

"You had to go through my personal belongings" Jude says incredulously.

"It wasn't like I planned it! You left it here and I saw the page with writing all over it. Not like it's top secret or anything. It's just lyrics to a pretty good song actually." He says, the surprise that she wrote it evident in his voice.

"I don't care." Jude says shaking her head and crossing her arms. "We aren't using it."

"That song is exactly what we need Jude. What you need." Richard says annoyed. "I don't understand why you wouldn't want to record it and put it out there."

"Because it's private and I don't want to."

"Well it's not like you've come up with something else. This song is all we've got to work with."

"I can write something else...We aren't using this song!" Jude says grabbing her journal and holding it close to her chest.

"Jude we're recording that song." Richard says, his voice firm and demanding.

"No we are not!" Jude says back, her voice just as forceful.

The two have a stand off where they both glare at each other, neither willing to back down. Finally Richard sighs and stands up. "That's it. I'm going to Paul and Nicolette." He says walking towards the door.

Scoffing Jude turns and watchs him. "I can't believe it. You're going to tattle on me!" Jude says in disbelief.

"No Jude." Richard says stopping, but not bothering to turn around. "I'm telling them I'm done. I've tried. I've put in almost three months and we just can't work together. You aren't willing to work and I'm sick of going more than half way with you."

"Where's that going to leave me then?" Jude asks, fear creeping up her spine.

"I don't know. And honestly I don't really care at this point." Richard says reaching for the door handle. "I just hope that whatever happens that song gets recorded one day. Whether you sing it or someone does a cover of it."

"Stop!" Jude shouts staring at his back. "You win. I...I'll record the song."

"That's not enough Jude." Richard says turning to stare at her. He notices the fatigue and worry on her face and in her posture and he sighs. "But it will do for now." Coming at sitting back down at the soundboard Richard waits for Jude to step into the recording room, but a solid minute passes and she hasn't moved. "Are we recording this or not?" He calls over his shoulder.

With a huff Jude walks towards the door the leads to the recording booth. "I really hate this." She calls over her shoulder before shoving open the door. "I hope you know that." Letting the door bang shut behind her, she doesn't bother looking at Richard as she sits down at the microphone and puts on the headphones.

"We're just going to record the vocals for right now." Richard says pressing the intercom so Jude can hear him.

"Great." Jude says sarcasm dripping from her voice. Sitting on the stool and staring at her hands, Jude can feel Richards gaze on her, waiting for her to start singing.

"So...whenever you're ready."

With a brief glance at Richard Jude sighs into the mic. "That Was Us. Take one." After a brief pause Jude opens her mouth and is a little surprised that lyrics start coming out so easily.

**I tried to change  
Tried everything  
Like headlights in the rain  
Drifting back again**

**Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us**

**The stars divide  
Our worlds collide  
Surrounded like the air  
You were with me everywhere**

Her life revolved around him and their relationship, even when they weren't techinically in a relationship. He had become so much a part of her life that that was part of the reason she had run, she was afraid of what he could do to her. And now that she was gone, she was realizing that leaving had got her no where. He was still so much a part of her.

**Somewhere out there lying in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us**

**There was a time for reason  
A place for every season  
Times I couldn't run away from you  
I can't believe it's mourning  
I can't believe it's pouring  
Should I leave you here and walk away**

Like so many of her songs, this too, was about Tommy. But unlike her other songs, this was the goodbye. Maybe that was why Jude fought so hard against recording it. Once it was out there for the public to hear she would have to admit that she had left him behind. And maybe then she would have to tell him goodbye. Tell them goodbye. And than...would it officially be the end?

**I want to change  
Try everything  
I wanted you so bad  
It nearly drove me mad**

Richard could tell Jude was struggling through the song. Not because her voice couldn't reach the notes, but because the lyrics obviously touched close to Jude, in a very personal way. If her reaction when she found out he had read them was any indication to how personal he was surprised he was still breathing.

**Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us**

**Better now than never  
Better late than forever  
I never meant to waste your time  
It doesn't seem to matter  
Maybe nothing every really matters  
Long enough to break it all away**

**Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember  
Sometimes I can't remember  
I can't remember that was us **

The ringing of a phone takes Richard out of his thoughts and he looks up to see that Jude hadn't noticed, but is sitting with her back facing him. Grabbing his phone he realizes it was Judes ringing. Setting his down and picking up hers he reads the screen 'Tommy calling'. Thinking nothing of it, he answers her phone. "Hello."

"Uh...hello?" A male voice says. "Who is this? I thought I was calling Jude's phone."

"You are." Richard says. "Who is this?"

"My name is Tommy. I'm a friend of Jude's. Who is this?"

"A friend." Richard says simply.

"Can I talk to Jude." Tommy says irritated.

"She can't talk right now." Richard says looking up to see Jude is staring at him, her eyes wide and filled with anger. "She isn't up to a phone call, but I'll let her know you called." Not bothering to say goodbye or even waiting to see if Tommy wanted to leave a message he hangs up and sets the phone back on the soundboard. "Jude..." He says pressing the intercom button, but before he can say anything else she is pulling off the headphones and is storming back into the studio.

"You are unbelievable!" She says staring at him in disbelief.

"I answered it thinking it was mine." Richard fibs, knowing that the white lie would save his ass better than the truth.

"Oh yes, because my silver cellphone is so interchangable with your black one!" Jude says swiping both phones off of the soundboard and looking closely at them. "Hmm I just can't tell which is which." Holding them out for him to see, "Can you?" With a low growl Jude throws Richards down on his lap. "There, I think that ones yours, but you might want to check, I could be mistaken!" Looking down at her own phone Jude opens up to her call log and notices that her last call was from Tommy. Muttering a bunch of expletives that even she didn't know she knew, Jude dials Tommy's number and holds her breath as the phone rings, and rings, and rings. Hanging up the phone, Jude turns and glares at Richard. "First my journal, now my cellphone. How bout I just leave you my keys. That way it will be easier for you to go through my car and my home."

"Jude that was never my intention."

"I don't even care." Jude says shaking her head and turning to leave for the day. "I'm going home. You got what you wanted from me!"

"Jude..." Richard calls after her. "What about your song?"

"I'm done for the day. If you wanna stay and work on it that's your choice." Pulling open the door, Jude looks over her shoulder and stares at him for a second. "See you tomorrow...Dick." Not even bothering to wait for a reply Jude leaves, hoping that Nicolette, Rebecca, or anyone else interested in stopping her will just stay away. She was in no mood to deal with people.

--

Listening to Jude's 'friend' hang up on him, Tommy swears as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. Turning back around he looks into the empty recording booth Tommy thinks back to the last time he had been in the studio. It was with Jude and it was when they were working to fix her third album. That had been eight of the longest hours of his life, but he had loved every minute of it, because of how well Jude and him were working together. And than, when she sang 2 am...Tommy didn't think he had ever been more in love. Things had been so great. But before he knew it he had lost Jude all over again, except this time there was a ocean seperating them. And now there apparently was already another guy. Some 'friend'. Hearing the door open behind him, Tommy turns expecting to see Karma ready to record, but is surprised to see Sadie standing there instead. "Uh. Hey Sadie." Tommy says uncomfortable.

"Hey Tom." Sadie says closing the door quietly behind her. Keeping one hand rested on the door Sadie just stares at Tommy, waiting for him to tell her to leave. After a minute goes by and neither make a move or a sound she lets out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding and steps away from the door. "I thought we could talk."

"About what Sadie?" Tommy asks shrugging his shoulders. "We have nothing to discuss, unless there is some PR thing I need to know about."

"How are you doing Tom." Sadie asks.

"I'm fine Sadie. Never better." Tommy says turning his back to her. "Now if that's all, I need to set up for Karma."

"No that's not all." Sadie says. She had tried being his friend. She tried the nice approach. She had even tried giving him his space, hoping that with a little time he would be ready to talk. But none of it had worked. The time for nice had come and gone. Time for a little tough love or G-Major was screwed.

"Than what do you want Sadie?" Tommy asks turning back around annoyed that she wouldn't just let him be. "You want to hug me and tell me everything is ok? Because I don't need that. I don't need you to try and comfort me."

"Than what is it that you need Tom!" Sadie asks throwing her hands up in frustration. "Because I'm running out of ideas."

"I need you to leave me alone!" Tommy says, feeling his grasp of control slipping and as final effort to keep it he takes a deep breath. "Just let me do my job. That's all I want to do right now. That is what I need right now, to do my job, that's all. I've never been one for the hand holding before and I don't want to start now Sadie." Avoiding eye contact, knowing that if he looked at her she would see the tears building behind his eyes.

"Tom..." Sadie says stepping closer, forcing him to look at her and when she sees the tears she feels the shock run up her spine. She didn't know if she could actually believe it. Tom Quincy loved her baby sister. She knew he had proposed, but she thought it was just because he didn't want to lose her to London. And then when he just disappeared at the concert and let Jude go to London with only that half-ass goodbye, she figure he had gone into a drunken stupor only to realize that it was for the best. "You really love her." Sadie says in awe.

"Sadie." Tommy says, with a slight whine to his voice. "I really don't want to talk about this."

Knowing that she could push just a little bit harder and he might finally talk, Sadie takes a step back. "You can't let this eat at you Tommy. You need to talk to someone." Sadie says taking another step back.

"And let me guess...That someone is you, right?" Tommy says with a humorless laugh.

"No." Sadie says taking another step leaving her standing right in front of the door. "You need to talk to Jude."

"Yea..." Tommy says scoffing. "That's easier said than done."

With a sad smile Sadie turns to open the door. "She misses you too Tom." Sadie says hoping she's made some difference.

"Sadie...?" Tommy calls stopping her before she can leave. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her. So many things he wanted to know, and he knew if anyone knew the answers, it would be Sadie. One of the things he wanted to know more than anything was if she had met anyone since she'd been there, but he was afraid to hear the answer. Noticing Sadie was standing in the doorway, waiting for him to say whatever it is he wanted to say, Tommy sighs. "Nevermind." He says before turning back to the soundboard and listens as he hears the door close behind her. Ten minutes later Tommy is standing in the same spot when Karma comes in ready to record. Running a hand through his hair he stops trying to push Jude out of his mind and just settles on setting her aside for the moment so he could get through the next hour.

**I hope you all enjoyed the update! And I promise it won't be as long a wait for the next one!**


	5. Surprise

**I suck! I know and I'm sorry! This story means a lot to me and I don't want to just cast it off with weak posts that only use half of my attention. But, being the anal perfectionist that I am, it sometimes takes a lot longer to post than I plan on. I'm so sorry you, you guys don't deserve such long waits between and I hope that you will stick with me through this story. I just want to say again how sorry I am for being a sucky person and thank you to all who keep reading! You guys are great!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**--**

The next morning Jude wakes up to the sound of her alarm going off. Groaning she rolls over and hits the snooze button. It was seven in the morning, way to early for someone who hadn't gone to bed until four. She hadn't been able to sleep last night. She was to wired to let sleep take her. After she had left the studio she went driving for awhile, having no where to be and no one to go see, she finally gave up on trying to find something to do and headed home. Getting home she was surrounded by the press, and since she still felt on edge after her session with Richard, Jude snapped at the reporters and since her day hadn't sucked enough, she ended up making the 9 o'clock entertainment news. Live and in technicolor, it showed Jude shoving a camera out of her face and accidentally giving the camera man a black eye. Before the show had come back from commercial Jude got a call from Rebecca, she has a meeting at 8 to discuss what they were going to do to rectify the damage to Jude and her career. Fortunately Paul wasn't going to be there, he was on another business trip. Unfortunately Richard was going to be there. The last person Jude wanted to deal with was him, but she didn't really have a choice since he was her producer and after her meeting with Nicolette and Rebecca she had already been informed that she was headed back into the studio to work on her new single. The sound of her alarm going off again shocks Jude out of her thoughts. Sitting up, she smacks her alarm clock with more force than needed, that she accidentally knocks it off of her night stand. "Sonofabiscuit!" Jude says hopping off the bed and crouching down to see the damage and isn't surprised to see it cracked. Groaning and rolling her eyes, Jude stands up and heads to the bathroom, leaving the clock lying on the floor. If she didn't get ready fast she was going to be late and that wasn't an option right now. She had been warned, she was walking a thin line and couldn't afford to make more mistakes.

Scrambling to juggle her bag and her umbrella Jude almost forgets to lock her car because she's in such a hurry. Pushing through the doors, Jude plows into a intern and apologizes without breaking stride, she was running late. With a quick knock on Nicolettes open door, Jude enters seeing that Richard and Rebecca are there, but Nicolette is not. With a sigh of relief she sits down in the chair between the two.

"Cutting it pretty close, don't you think?" Richard says looking down at his watch.

Unsure of her ability to be civil Jude lightly shakes her open umbrella to shake off some of the rain before closing it and setting it under her seat, giving herself time to think through her response. "I'm running a bit late this morning. But I'm here now and that's what matters. Besides Nicolette isn't even here yet." Jude says turning her seat a little to not face him. She was still upset with him, and felt some of this mess she was in was partly his fault. If he hadn't answered her phone when Tommy had called and said god knows what, she might not have been as upset with him. Except she had tried calling Tommy three times after and his phone kept going to voicemail. Meaning he was either busy in the studio, or avoiding her calls. Jude didn't want to spend to much time thinking which possibilty was more likely and was grateful when Nicolette came in breaking up her thoughts.

"Now that you're all here," Nicolette says stepping into her office and shutting the door. "I think we all saw the 9 o'clock news last night." Watching them all nod she sighs and sits down her her chair behind her desk. "Rebecca please tell me what you've got going in the PR deparment."

"Well the good news is the press is no longer focusing on Jude's lack of results in the studio..." Rebeccas says with a pause, pulling out a stack of newspapers.

"And the bad?" Jude asks reaching forward to grab one of the papers.

"Well now they're saying you have anger problems, and are questioning whether it has anything to do with drugs or alcohol."

Shocked Jude looks up from the paper in her lap to see Rebecca and Nicolette staring at her with questioning gazes and feels her stomach clench. "That's not true!"

"Jude..." Rebecca says in a soothing, yet condescending tone, but gets cut off by a upset Jude.

"I have never done drugs in my life, nor will I ever!" Jude says astonished, she had vowed ever since she had won the Instant Star contest she would never be one of those rockers that got caught in the drug scene. "And I only drink two drinks max! And it's only when I'm at a PR event that you, Rebecca, send me off to." When silence follows what she has said, Jude doesn't know if that means they believe her or if they don't. By the skeptical looks on Rebecca and Nicolettes faces she knows she hasn't made any difference and is hurt that they have such little faith in her and her choices.

"She's telling the truth." Richard finally speaks up. "I admit I don't spend much time with Jude outside of the studio, but I've seen artists on that path and she's nothing like them. She has her problems..." He says avoiding eye contact with Jude, knowing he would see confusion staring back at him. "But she doesn't have a drinking problem and she isn't doing drugs." Turning to make eye contact with Nicolette, he meets her gaze unwavering.

"Ok then." Nicolette says turning to Rebecca. "We are going to want to issue a statement to the press."

"Already done." Rebecca says nodding her head. "And Jeffery in legal has a meeting this afternoon with the camera man and his attorney."

"Ok, that's all good." Nicolette says nodding her head before turning back to look at Richard and Jude, both very quiet. "Jude." Nicolette says drawing her attention off of the floor. "I don't know what is going on, but whatever it is, I suggest you figure it out." Watching Jude simply nod her head, Nicolette sighs. "Ok. I want you two in the studio. Now." Standing up Nicolette doesn't even bother to wait for a response, but opens her door and gestures for them to leave.

Standing and avoiding eye contact, Jude looks down at her feet while walking out of the office. Turning she looks up to see Richard joining her and sighs know what she has to do. "Than-"

"I'm going to grab some stuff from my office I'll meet you in the studio." Richard says cutting off her thank you. Not waiting for a response he turns and heads down the narrow hallway leading to his and the other producers offices.

A little shocked at his curtness, Jude stares after him for a second before heading towards the studio. Shutting herself in, shes grateful for the quiet, something she hadn't had a lot of in awhile. And after 3 this afternoon she would have quiet until she got Sadie back on the plain five days later. Sitting down on the couch Jude pulls out her notebook but instead of flipping it open she sits back on the couch and rests her head and eyes. She hadn't even been in the building 30 minutes and she already felt she had put in a 10 hour day. That was another big difference Jude was notice between BMR and G-Major. There had been times where she spent over 20 hours straight at G-Major, but had never really fazed her, she was always ready to come back the next day and spend another 20 hours working and singing. Here it was almost the opposite. If Jude was a more dramatic person she would swear the building was giving her a complex that any psychiatrist would love to work through. She wasn't connecting and she didn't know what the cause was, but she needed to work through it. Nicolette and Paul weren't going to accept anything less.

"Are you ready to work today?" Richard asks standing in the doorway, finally annoucing his presence after staring at her for a little bit. After she had left yesterday he had stayed a little longer, replaying her newest song. And somewhere around the 20 or 30th play through, he was more sure than anything that his artists was suffering. He had than spent the next hour online searching for anything and everything revolving around Jude, G-Major, and the silly Instant Star competition. What he came up with was a jumble of information that could or could not be true, depending on which reporter you read. What it came down to was Jude was suffering and that was the road block to her music. He just couldn't figure out how to break through. The issue now was did he care enough to try? And standing there quietly staring at her, Richard was alarmed to realize that he did care.

"Yea, we better get started now since I have to be at the airport at 2:30." Jude says scooting forward on the couch and opening her notebook.

"The airport? You're not leaving, are you?" Richard asks surprised.

"Ha! Sorry to burst your bubble there, Dick, but no." Jude says avoiding eye contact, making scratching movements on a blank page with her pen. "My sister Sadie is flying in today at 3 and I don't want there to be any chance of her arriving early or me being late, so I plan to be there 30 minutes before her flight lands." With a brief glance at his face she sees his mouth opening to say something, most likely about how she didn't need the distraction. "And before you say anything, don't worry. Sadie is technically here on business for G-Major. She'll spend maybe a day here tops. And won't be a distraction."

"Ok good." Richard says pivoting in his chair towards the soundboard. He was actually going to ask her how long her sister planned to stay and if she was planning on coming to the concert, but leave it to Jude to jump to the conclusion that he was going to be a jerk. "She must be coming to the concert tomorrow night than." He says in a neutral tone.

"Tomorrow?" Jude says confused looking up from the scribbly mess she was making. "It's on Friday I thought."

"Rebecca forgot to mention it, but it's been moved up. Actually plans have changed completely." He says turning to face her. "You're going to be giving your very own concert tomorrow night, just you and the back up band BMR has on retainer."

"What kind of concert are we talking about here?" Jude asks quietly.

"A full set. Before you're done for the day we actually have to sit down and discuss what you're going to be singing tomorrow. Since we've only got the one new song you started on yesterday, we'll pick the rest from your old albums."

"About the song from yesterday..." Jude says looking down at her hands, surprised to see them clenched into tight little fists. With a lot of effort, she forces them open and rests her sweaty palms in her lap. "Could we not use it?"

"Jude we went over this yesterday."

"I know I have nothing else that is new! But we have almost all day to work on something new." Watching him slowly start to shake his head, Jude sighs in frustration. "Can't we at least discuss..."

"Nicolette has already played the song for Paul, Jude." Richard says knowing he might regret his words, and sure enough Jude doesn't disappoint.

"Are you kidding me!" She shouts, standing up to pace. "Do I have no say over what I release and what I don't?" Turning, Jude stares down at Richard, surprised to see something symboling regret in his eyes.

"You might Jude, if we had anything else to work with." Richard says solemnly.

Surprised at how hurt she was by his words, Jude stares down at her hands and sighs. "I guess that's it than." Turning with a quick glance over her shoulder she walks into the recording studio letting the door close silently behind her.

"Jude..." Richard says into the intercom after Jude puts the headphones on.

"Are you ready?" She asks, not looking up at him.

"Yea..." He says sighing. "That Was Us."

**I tried to change  
Tried everything  
Like headlights in the rain  
Drifting back again**

Feeling her eyes burning with unshed tears Jude closes her eyes and turns so her back is facing Richard. She wasn't going to let him see her cry, she had little control over what was happening in her life right now, but this was one thing she had control over. Sitting up straighter she keeps the tears away and tries to control the pain in her voice, keeping it in check.

--

Rushing into the airport Jude glances down at her watch and sees she arrived with only minutes to spare, instead of the thirty she originally planned on. She hadn't been to the airport since she had landed in London, and had gotten lost trying to get back there. Looking over the monitors she notices that Sadies flight had in fact landed early. Turning around and scanning the thin crowd she sees her sister no where. Groaning and stepping towards the information desk Jude stops short when she hears her name being called. Turning back she sees Sadie rushing towards her, arms open wide for a hug. "Sadie!" Jude says on a sigh pulling her sister close. Jude hadn't realized how much she had missed her sister, until she was here.

"How are you doing?" Sadie says pulling back, but not letting go of her light grasp on Jude's arms. With a quick once over she Sadie holds back her frown and the worry in her voice. "You look tired Jude. I knew you'd work yourself to hard! I told..."

"Sadie!" Jude says loudly over her sister. "I'm fine, a little tired, but nothing to rant about. Ok?" Smiling Jude pulls her sister in for another hug. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Me too." Sadie says stepping back to fix her jacket. "I'm just sorry it's only me visiting." Sadie says avoiding eye contact as she starts walking towards baggage claim.

"Yea, but I'm just glad you could make it." Jude says smiling as Sadie grabs her bag from the belt. "If that's everything..."

"Actually I have a few more coming." Sadie says nonchalantly, looking over Jude's shoulder.

"How many bags do you need Sadie!" Jude says in shock. "You're only going to be he...Ah!" Jude shrieks as someone picks her up. Feeling her feet his solid ground Jude turns around "What the...? Speed!" Jude shouts her mouth stretching into a huge grin.

"Hey dude!" Speed says pulling her in for a big hug, spinning them around in circles.

"What are you doing here?" Jude asks pulling away slightly.

"We missed you." Someone says behind Jude, causing her to jump in surprise.

Turning, Jude feels her jaw drop in surprise. "Jamie! Oh my god! You came too!"

"Of course I came!" Jamie says smiling, wrapping Jude in his arms for a long hug.

"But...but...how?" Jude says looking between the three of them.

"It's because of Darius." Sadie says smiling. She doesn't think she had ever seen her sister so happy. The only other thing that would've probably made the moment perfect was if Sadie could've talked Tommy into joining them. But he had flat out sad no, no, and no. Using the excuse that he was needed in the studio. Which Sadie couldn't really argue with, but she still wished she could've convinced him to come.

"No really." Jamie says after seeing Jude's doubtful face. "He paid for the three of us to fly here."

"But...why?" Jude says so confused. "I understand why Sadie, she's here on business for World Instant Star. But you two? You don't even have a tie to G-Major anymore. Now that you're signed to NBR Speed."

"It seems we have a in with the big boss man, now." Speed says wiggling his eyebrows and looking at Sadie. "Sadie here as D wrapped around her pinky."

"I do not!" Sadie says with as much dignity she could manage, feeling her cheeks burn with embarassment.

"Wait...what?" Jude says whirling around to look at her sister. "Sadie...no. Please don't tell me...You and Darius?"

"We're not going to discuss this here and now." Sadie says looking around the semi-crowded airport.

"Ok. Fine." Jude says picking up one of the many bags at their feet. "But me and you are having a long talk later." Jude says over her shoulder. Holding back a laugh when she hears Sadie mumble something to herself. Looking over at Jamie and Speed she can't help but laugh out loud. "So where are we headed?" Jude asks opening the trunk of her car.

"Is there room for all of us at your apartment?" Sadie asks slipping the last of the bags inside.

"I'm sure we can manage something." Jude says climbing behind the wheel. "So I'll drop you off at my apartment and then go back to the studio."

"No need Jude." Sadie says waving her hand.

"Yea dude. We thought we could come with you to the studio." Speed says smiling brightly.

"That won't be a problem, will it?" Jamie asks, sensing Jude's unease.

"No problem at all." Jude says looking over at Jamie in the backseat. "You guys will get to meet Richard." Turning to look out the window Jude holds back a sigh and mumbles quietly to herself. "Oh joy."

--

**I hope you guys enjoyed this newest update! And the little surprise at the end there with Speed and Jamie coming to London. Thanks again to everyone reading you! And for everyone that is reviewing...you are the best! Thanks so so much!**


	6. Changes

**Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoy this newest update! Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Arriving at the studio Jude was relieved to find that Richard wasn't in there. Leaving Sadie, Jamie, and Speed sitting in the empty studio Jude went in search for him. Asking one of the interns she was pointed in the direction of his office. Walking down the narrow hallway Jude realizes she had never been in Richards office before, in the past he would always tell her to me him in the studio while he quickly ran to pick up something. Coming to the door with his name on it Judes knocks once and waits to for Richard to tell her to enter, after a long silence she knocks again and from behind the door hears a voice say enter. Pulling open the handle Jude pauses in the door way. "Just wanted to let you know I'm back."

Closing his laptop Richard looks up at her. "Ok. I'll be out in a second." Turning to grab a folder behind him Richard can still feel Jude's presence in the room, looking over his shoulder he sees her standing in the doorway still, except her attention isn't on him, but on his office. "Is there something else?" He asks turning back to face her.

"Oh! Sorry." Jude says putting her attention back on Richard. She didn't know what she expected in his office, but it wasn't a bunch of different pictures and album plaques, Richard almost looked human when you saw his office. She wished she was braver, she would've walked into the office and taken a closer look, but she wasn't and they weren't buddy enough to make her feel welcome. She hadn't realized til now, but she had been there almost three months and she still knew nothing really about her producer, and vice versa. "Actually I think you should know we won't be alone in the studio for the rest of the day." Jude says not leaving the safety of the open doorway. With the door open Richard wouldn't make a scene over her friends and sister sitting in on the rest of the day.

"And why is that?"

"Well I mentioned earlier that my sister was coming for a visit." Jude says brightly, hoping to lull him in to the idea of her "family" sitting in.

"Right, but she was going to be working and not be in the way I thought." Richard says walking around his desk and joining Jude in the door way, ushering her out of his office. "I wouldn't even notice she was here, you said." He says walking down the hallway, expecting her to follow.

"Well, you're right... I did." Jude says following after him. "But her first meeting is tomorrow, so she decided to join us. But don't worry, I won't be distracted." Jude says quickly before he opens the door to the studio. Deciding to wait for him to confront her about Speed and Jamie outside of the studio, where they wouldn't hear them. Sure enough Richard turns right back around and just stares at Jude for a solid minute before saying anything.

"My office." With a curt nod he is retracing their steps back down the narrow hallway.

Turning to follow Jude stops when she hears the studio door opening and Sadie stepping out in the hallway. "Jude...was that Richard?"

"Uhh, yea."

"He seemed kind of upset. Is it ok that we're here?"

"Oh, it's fine." Jude says looking over her shoulder to see if Richard is still in sight, but he wasn't. "He was just a little caught off guard, but nothing to worry about."

Skeptical, Sadie crosses her arms and stares at Jude. "Are you sure? Because if everything is fine, than why are you chewing on your bottom lip?"

"Sadie, it's ok. Don't worry so much!" Jude says with false bravado. "Now I'm going to go see what happened to Richard." Jude says turning and heading in the direction he disappeared to. "Be back in a jiff!" She calls over her shoulder. Coming up to his office, Jude is surprised to see the door open wide and Richard standing in front of his desk, head down and, if Jude was a betting woman, she could've sworn he was mumbling to himself. "Hellooo..." Jude says knocking on his open door.

Turning Richard looks at Jude and sighs. "Shut the door." He says after a moment. "And before you get any ideas, shut it with you inside this office."

With a desperate smile, Jude slowly shuts the door, wishing she could've been on the other side. Turning back around she takes a deep breath before throwing her shoulders back and crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn't going to take his annoyance lying down. "Ok...so I should've mentioned my sister didn't come alone."

"You think?" He says, surprising Jude with the amusment in his voice.

"But in my defense I didn't even know Speed or Jamie were coming until I got to the airport. It was as much as a surprise to me as it was to you." She says rambling, his amused response threw Jude for a loop and she was scrambling to get her barings. "And like I said before, they're not going to be a distraction in the studio."

Sighing Richard puts his hands in his pockets. "Fine." He says shrugging his shoulders and walking past a shocked Jude to open the door.

"Wha...what?!" Jude says, her voice squeaking in shock. "Fine? Fine!"

"Yes, Jude. Fine." Richard says standing in the doorway. "You know, another word for ok, sure, or 'whatever' as you so love to say."

"But... but. I thought you were upset over them being here!" Jude says turning to stare at him, throwing her arms in the air.

"Yes I know. And I'm sure you were all reved up to fight and argue with me over this too...Am I right?"

"Well. Yes." Jude says unsure of what to make of his attitude. "Are you ok? Did you hit your head or something?" Jude asks taking a step towards him, giving him a quizzical look. "Should I call the doctor?"

Surpressing a smile Richard shakes his head lightly. After another minute of silence, he gets uncomfortable under Jude's stare and shifts. "Well." He says clearing his throat. "We have work to do." Once again without a backwards glance he starts back down the hallway towards the studio, waiting for her outside the closed door. "Just so you know. If they become a distraction, I won't hesitate on kicking them out of my studio." Richard says quietly before opening the door and stepping in.

Sighing and rollling her eyes, "There's the Richard I know and hate." Jude mumbles to herself before following him into the studio. If only she had been paying attention to his face, Jude would've realized there was no actual truth to the words he had said. It was Richards way of keeping distance, because the last thing Richard wanted was any type of relationship or bond to form between them, friendship or otherwise. Closing the door Jude enters the studio. "Richard I'd like you to meet my sister Sadie Harrison. And two of my greatest friends in the whole world, Jamie Andrews and Vincent Speiderman."

"Just call me Speed." Speiderman says shaking Richards hand. Looking him up and down Speiderman sits back down on his seat on the couch. Jude had been very hush hush about her new record label. And judging by the tension that rose in the room after Jude had entered he thinks he could understand why. That was part of the reason he wanted to come so bad. Because even though Jude thought she was pulling one over on him, he had realized that she didn't talk about London that much on the phone, and she never mentioned Richard. If the tension was anything to go by Speed sensed sparks flying, he now wanted to know what was the cause behind them.

While Speed was eyeing Richard with a critcal gaze, Sadie was watching her sister. And just like Speed she felt the tension and she didn't know how to catagorize it either. She didn't sense any of the usual sparks, but then they hadn't been in the same room for more than a couple of minutes. Waiting to pass judgment Sadie looks over at Speed who was sitting next to her on the couch. "What do you think?" She mouths to him while Jamie, Richard, and Jude are talking and paying the two on the couch no attention.

"I don't know yet." Speed whispers back, he'd never been very good at mouthing stuff. And apparently he wasn't very good at whispering either since the three other people in the room turn to look at them.

"What don't you know?" Jude asks confused, eyeing her sister and her best friend.

"What new material you have for us to hear!" Speed says cheerfully, and fast on his feet. Not realizing he had just stuffed his foot in his mouth. But noticing the color in Jude's face pale, he knows that a nerve had been struck.

"Actually that's not a bad idea." Richard says. "Jude just got done recording a new song and we're having a disagreement on whether it should be released or not. Maybe you could help us."

"Oh, no! That's not necassary." Jude says shaking her head. "We've already decided to use it."

"But maybe their opinions will make you feel better." Richard says already turning to the mixing board and loading the CD.

"Richard." Jude says stepping forward and resting her hand over the controls. "I think we should keep the song a surprise. Don't want it to be leaked or anything." Juded says with a weak smile.

"Jude!" Jamie says shocked.

"Really Jude. These are your friends and family. I'm sure we can trust them." Richard says trying to read Jude, but failing miserably.

"You're right." Jude says quietly, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. Turning to see three of the most important people in her life Jude wishes they hadn't seen that. Knowing these three, the fact she was so against the song being played made it that much more important that they hear it and that much more obvious that she was struggling in London. Reaching out and pulling up the only chair left available, Richards, Jude crosses her arms over her stomach and lets out a sigh.

Sadie and Speed take turns staring at Richard and than at Jude and then look back at each other. "I don't know what to think." Speed says leaning towards Sadie.

"Later." Sadie whispers hearing the opening chords to Jude's new song.

"What's it called." Jamie asks from his seat off in the corner, trying to break the tension in the room.

"That Was Us." Jude says avoiding eye contact, knowing that they all knew who 'Us' was going to be about in the song.

Through out the song Sadie has to hold back the urge to reach out to Jude and when the song was finally over she felt her eyes burning from unshed tears. With a quick few blinks Sadie looks at the others in the room and sees they're in equal surprise and awe over the song. "Jude..." Sadie finally says, breaking the silence in the room. Seeing her sisters quiet discomfort, Sadie holds back her response and notices that everyone is doing the same.

After a good five minutes go by Jude clears her throat while crossing and uncrossing her arms. "Yea, I think it's still a little rough, but Richard and Nicolette think it's ready for the concert tomorrow."

"You have a concert tomorrow?" Sadie says sensing the call for help and offering a life vest to her sister.

"Yea, it was sorta sprung on me this morning." Jude says with a look over at Richard.

"Any chance we could attend this concert?" Speed asks cheekly.

"Actually since you're here Speed..." Jude says, feeling her mood lifting she turns towards Richard. "Is there anyway we could have Speiderman play my back up tomorrow?"

"I'll talk it over with Nicolette, but I don't see a problem. You were in her band back in Canada, right?"

"Would you be willing Speed?" Jude asks, her voice sounding hopeful.

"Sure, I guess I could help you out." He says, but the smile on his face proves he has no problem performing with her agian. "It'll be just like old times."

"Well all we have left to do is write up your set for tomorrow night." Richard says picking up the folder he had grabbed from his office. "This is a folder with all of your songs. I was thinking we'd have you perform 10 songs; 3 from each album and then the That Was Us as a finale." Tossing it on the soundboard in front of Jude. "I thought we could go over the list."

Not even bothering to grab the folder Richard had on her music, Jude turns her seat to the others in the room. "So what are you guys thinking?" Jude says leaning forward.

"Well that depends." Speed says rubbing his hands together, he had missed this. Spending hours in the studio, working with Jude. They hadn't worked as a couple and never would, that was obvious. But when it comes to music: Jude was the hot sauce to his chicken wings.

"Depends on what?" Sadie says leaning forward. "I think we all know what Jude's hits are."

"I think we can all agree My Sweet Time is a must." Jamie says nodding his head.

"Of course. That was your first song to hit number one in under a week." Sadie says in agreement.

Richard, waiting for a lull in the conversation steps forward. "I think this is something that Jude and I should be discussing. Since this is a producer/artist decision." Ucomfortable with the looks he was getting Richard clears his throat and stands up a little straighter.

"Oh come on!" Jude says scoffing behind him before standing up so they're at equal height. "Who would be better to help us pick a winning set than my sister, my best friend for years, and my old lead guitarist? These three know my music better than me in some ways." Jude says standing toe-to-toe with her producer.

"Jude." Richard says quietly under his breath. Both are so caught up in the argument they forget the other three in the room. "Seen and not heard. Remember?"

Staring at Richard, Jude lets the seconds tick off in the back of her mind. Finally she decides he wants to play mr. producer she was going to let him. "Fine." Jude says lifting her chin in the air and sitting back down in her seat, noticing the look of surprise on everyones faces, Richards included. "If you think you know my music better than my sister and closest friends and are able to pick a better set...go ahead. I would love to see you try."

Knowing Jude thinks she won this argument, Richard holds back his smug smile and picks up the discarded file and opens it and grabs the top paper. "This is a list of all your songs you've recorded." He says pointing to the column on the left hand side of the paper. "And this column here is each songs rating, off of every music download site." Handing that paper to Jude he grabs the next one in the pile. "This is radio air time. It shows which songs radio stations play most often and this..." Richard says grabbing the one underneath it and handing both to Jude. "Is statistics off of each of your albums, with the fans ranking your songs." Closing the folder Richard hands the whole thing to very quiet and shocked Jude.

"Are you saying that folder is full of statistics on Jude's music?" Sadie says in awe.

"Yes." Richard says not taking his gaze off of Jude.

"Even the music off of her third album?" Jamie asks.

"There isn't as much on that album since it was just rerelease recently, but enough to have an idea of what fans are listening to."

"When did you do this?" Jude asks, finally finding her voice, weeding through the papers.

"After you got here. I thought it might come in handy since I obviously don't know your music that well. As you pointed out to everyone." Seeing the slight blush rise on her cheeks Richard looks away. "Anyways..." He says reaching for the folder, which Jude hands back willingly. "Looking over all of this I happen to agree with...Jamie, is it?"

"Yea."

"My Sweet Time was definetly a favorite off of your second album. I've never heard the song, but I'm trust radio stations and fans opinions enough to know it will be well recieved."

"Ok." Jude says nodding her head. "How bout we start with my first album and work our way through?"

"That's fine." Richard says nodding his head. Looking around he sees there is no place for him to seat.

"I think we should leave these two to work." Sadie says standing up.

"Oh, no. No need." Richard says holding out a hand to pause them. This was probably the first time Jude and him had worked peacefully in the studio and he didn't want her to think he was kicking her friends and family out of the studio, wrecking the present peace treaty.

"No, Sadie's right." Jamie says standing up to leave.

"We'll just be sitting out in the lobby."

"I promise not to get into any trouble." Speed says wiggling his eyebrows.

"Glad to see married life hasn't wrecked you!" Jude calls after them before turning back to stare at Richard. "Well you got your way...it's just me and you now."

"That wasn't my intention, Jude." Richard says pulling up the chair Jamie had been sitting in.

"Yea, whatever." Jude says. She had been blindsighted by Richards care in her music career, by doing all that research Jude had soften a little, big mistake. Softening wasn't an option.

"Jude." Richard says ready to ask her whats wrong, but seeing the tension coming off her in waves he lets it go. He was used to upset Jude. "So your first album..."

"I personally think 24 Hours and Criminal are obvious choices, but what does your magical folder say?"

Smiling ruefully Richard opens the folder. "According to this Waste My Time was pretty big."

"Unless you can find someone to rap and sing duet with me, that's out...and personally I rather not sing that song. It highlights one of the lower points in my career."

"Ok, point taken." Richard says writing a note next to Waste My Time before looking over the rest of the list. "It seems your first album wasn't the sensation Paul and Nicolette made it out to be."

"It didn't get the publication it deserved." Jude says defensively.

Sighing Richard runs a hand through his hair. "Ok. Well I'm thinking 24 Hours would be a good choice, since it was the song that you won Instant Star with. And That Girl good marks, as did Skin." Looking up from his papers Richard sees Jude chewing on her lip. "What's wrong? Another bad memory?"

"Ha!" Jude says on a sigh. "You could say that."

"Wanna explain?"

"Skin is the song I wrote after I caught my dad cheating on my mom." Jude says without thinking, realizing what she just did she raises her hand to her mouth.

"Would you rather not use Skin?"

"No. I'm more than over that now."

"Any complaints with That Girl?"

Except that I wrote it for my producer I had a not so secret crush on when he planned to leave me...ah no! Jude thinks to herself, but instead says, "No, no problems."

"Ok, so we're in agreement you'll sing 24 Hours, Skin, and That Girl off of your first album?"

"My second album should be easier." Jude says sitting forward.

"We've already agreed on My Sweet Time." Looking up to see Jude silently nodding her head he reads the next song on the list. "The next popular seems to be White Lines, so I'm thinking we could..." But Richard stops talking when he looks up to see Jude's expression. He doesn't think he'd ever seen someone sit so still and go so pale so fast.

"I'm not performing White Lines." Jude says shaking her head vehemently.

"But Jude..."

"Lets get this out right now so we won't have to argue about it later. I won't be performing White Lines, Don't You Dare, or Liar Liar." Standing to pace the floor, she slashes her hand in the air in front of her as she talks. "I don't care what your stupid lists say!"

Watching as his artist has a mini meltdown Richard can't help but smile. This is what they had been missing the last three months. This passion, even though it was over her set for her concert, it was still passion. It was the first time Jude had come alive in the studio. Not wanting to see it go away, but not wanting to push her to far, Richard runs another hand through his hair. He was walking a real fine line, and any mis-step and Jude would be out the door and he would be left alone putting together her set for tomorrow night. "How bout Another Thin Line." Richard says reading the list. "It was another popular song." Sadly it came behind both White Lines and Liar Liar.

Letting out a deep breath Jude rests her hands on her hips. "Alright, that would work." Jude says nodding her head slowly.

Nodding his head along with Jude, Richard lets out the breath he had been holding. "And we can finish off your sophmore album by you performing..."

"Who Am I Fooling!" Jude says brightly.

"Are you sure?" Richard asks. "The song seems pretty popular, I guess." He says shrugging his shoulders.

"Ok, than. It's settled. I'll perform My Sweet Time, Another Thin Line, and Who Am I Fooling."

"Your third album after being rereleased had been doing great with the public. Making out job easier."

Feeling a sick feeling bubbling up in her stomach, Jude rests a shaky hand over her stomach. Her third album would be the hardest to pick through. She was willing to bet that 2/3rds of the songs on the album would be hard to sing at this point in time. "I don't know what your magic paper says over there, but Where Does It Hurt has to be one of my personal favorites."

"And it appears that the fans feel the same. Where Does It Hurt is only second behind what the press calls your basement song."

"2 AM?" Jude says, feeling her throat constricting. She hadn't even considered that when she told him what songs were not up for discussion, but she wishes she had now. "I don't think I can perform it."

Jude looked like she would be able to be blown over by a feather, a very small feather. She looked so small standing in the middle of the studio and Richard was shocked by the urge to protect her. Shaking his head slowly, clearing it from present thoughts. "I agree. I'm thinking the only reason it's so widely popular right now is because the story behind it."

Feeling her heart grow lighter, Jude surpresses the urge to throw her arms around Richards neck. Instead she clasps her hands in front of her. "What about Unraveling? Where does that fall on your list?"

"Its up there, but Unraveling? Are you sure?"

"It's the first song I ever produced by myself." Jude says with a small smile, slowly fading when she remembers the cause. But no matter what was the cause she still produced it all her own, it was her baby. "I'm sure, it has great meaning to me and my fans should understand that."

"I have no problem with Where Does it Hurt and Unraveling, but for the third and final song I must insist upon Pefect."

"I-I have no problem with that." Jude says nodding her head curtly.

"So it's settled than? 24 Hours, Skin, That Girl, My Sweet Time, Another Thin Line, Who Am I Fooling, Where Does It Hurt, Unraveling, Perfect, and That Was Us."

"Works for me." Jude says. She'd just have to push all thoughts out of her mind and focus on getting through the concert. And if need be, Speed would have her back. "If we're done here..."

"You are." Richard says collecting all of the papers and notes he had made. "I just have some finishing touches before tomorrow."

"Ok, well...I'll see you tomorrow than." Jude says uncomfortable around Richard now.

"Yea, around 10 should be fine."

Grabbing her bag and leaving without a backwards glance Jude spots her 'family' sitting in the lobby, surprisingly they're all behaving. "Ready to go?" She asks readjusting the strap on her shoulder.

"Sure, are you finished?" Sadie asks looking over Jude's shoulder, seeing Richard staring at them through the window, or more importantly staring at Jude.

"More than." Jude says sighing.

"Well lets get going!" Speed says hopping up. "I could use some food!"

"Well in that case we're going to need to stop somewhere first." Jude says leading them to her car.

"That's fine, any good chinese places around here?"

"Speiderman!" Sadie says climbing into the passenger seat. "We didn't come to London to eat chinese food."

"No we came for Jude, chinese is just a extra." Speed says cheerfully.

"Can't we compromise?" Jude asks and isn't surprised to hear the snort from both the passenger and the backseat. "What am I saying...fine you two can duke it out, but no blood in my car." Jude says smiling a real smile for the first time in awhile. Looking over at Sadie and then back at Speed and Jamie, Jude sighs. There was something missing from this picture. Looking at her ring finger, Jude tightens her hands on the steering wheel. "So where am I going?" She asks forcing the cheer back into her voice. Things were going to change, it was time for change.

**So there's the newest update...a little longer than posts in the past, hopefully making up for my horrible posting habits. As for the music and Jude's album. I was unsure how to look at it. There was four seasons of Instant Star and there will be four albums, but technically Jude only made three albums. So after a little debate with my sister we agreed that we should follow the idea of there only being three albums. Anyways...I just wanted to say thanks to everyone! You guys are the greatest!**


	7. Conversations

**I suck. I'm probably one of the most hated writers on Fanfiction right now and I'm EXTREMELY sorry! All I can really say is that I started my freshmen year at college and things haven't been going as planned. But the semesters almost up and I'm with all the transferring drama almost over with I hopefully will be able to get back to my stories. I've missed them so much and am excited to start writing again! One thing that being absent for so long has done is give me a whole new ideas for where to go. I had to reread this whole story and watch the last half of the season, but I finally feel ready to start at it again! I'm so VERY sorry to have disappeared like that, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just want to say thanks to those who haven't given up on me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or the characters!**

Instead of going out to eat at some fancy London restaurant they had ordered pizza for dinner. The reason being Jude had no clue where any of the decent restaurants were and none of them were up for driving around London getting lost, except for Speed of course. He was willing to drive even, taking them all on an out of control ride that would inevitably end badly. He was anxious to see what London had to offer, but they were more anxious to get Speed in doors and away from any possible trouble. Jude had been the one to suggest going home and ordering in, she didn't really want to spend the night out. They all agreed, all of them wanting to see where Jude was living and getting a glimpse into her life.

Jude knew that they were all suspicious of her life in London, she just wished there was some magic button she could push that would make them all ignore the fact she hasn't been living la-vi-da rock-star like she had wanted to when she left Toronto. The plan had been to get to London and show the world what Jude Harrison had to offer. She was going to spread her wings and live! When Jude had told them she hadn't had any favorite spots they all had given her questioning looks, but politely kept quiet, something that was not normal for them. That should've been her first clue that she wasn't going to get out of this visit without explaining what exactly had been happening in London. Something she didn't know if she would be able to explain, or at least didn't want to admit out loud.

It had only taken Jamie an hour after settling in and eating pizza before finding Jude so they could talk. Knocking on the open door he waits for Jude to look up at him, when she does he sees her trying to wipe the strain and weariness from her face. If it had been anybody else at the door, she might've succeeded at covering it up. "So this is where you ran off to after dinner?" He says smirking while walking in and sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Yea." Jude says setting down her journal and looking around the room. "I guess you could call this my office."

"You need an office?" Jamie says skeptically.

Laughing Jude shakes her head. "Well no, but that's what the renters before me did and as the present renter I haven't really thought of what else it could be."

Looking around Jamie shrugs his shoulders. "You could turn it into a studio. I mean it would be a little small, but it would work."

"Be serious Jamie!" Jude says giving him a small shove on his shoulder. "That's major construction you're talking about. Something I know my renters lease strictly forbids."

"You could always stop renting this place and buy it." When Jude looks at him doubtfully he doesn't back down. "It's not as crazy as it sounds. If you're going to be living in London and working here you not going to want to rent forever. It's logical that if you like it here in London and if you like living here…why not take it one step further? Why not make it a little more permanent?" With the last question Jamie stares at Jude, making sure to not miss any inflection in her face or posture. What he sees confuses him and saddens him a little at the same time. Doesn't know what he was expecting, but the doubt and alarm in her eyes is a little surprising.

"I…I don't know if I'm ready for that quite yet Jamie." Jude says shaking her head quickly while unconsciously wrapping her arms around her mid-section. "That…That's…"

"Jude." Jamie says, semi forcefully, pulling Jude out of her thoughts. "What's going on?" He finally asks.

Staring at Jamie, Jude sighs before standing up from the couch. "Nothing is going on Jamie. I'm fine. Everything is fine."

Reaching out and grabbing her arm, Jamie waits until Jude's gaze lands on him. "Jude. I don't believe you."

"Well that's your problem Jamie!" Jude says wrenching her arm from his grasp. Grabbing her journal Jude walks out of the room, leaving Jamie to stare after her with a sad look on his face.

"That didn't go as you planned." Sadie says standing in the doorway, giving Jamie a comforting smile.

"Sadie. I'm worried." Jamie says turning to face her straight on.

"I know Jamie. I am too." Sadie says crossing her arms over her chest and walking into the room. "Jude is facing a really hard time. This is a huge transition…"

"That's not all that I'm talking about Sadie." Jamie says standing and pacing.

"What are you talking about then Andrews? Is this about the fight you and Jude just had?"

"No! Well…kinda. I guess you could say so." Turning to see the look of confusion on Sadie's face Jamie sighs. "It's no secret that Jude and I have had our problems. It's been a real rocky friendship, especially the last couple of years."

"Yes. I was there. Go on."

"Well through it all…one thing has never changed between me and Jude. And that was I always run when there is a problem, I push Jude away. And Jude...she always chases me, making me face our issues."

"Jamie…"

"No. Listen to me Sadie! Jude may run when things get sticky with her music. She may become an emotional wreck and ditch concerts. Hell, even with relationships she doesn't always stay and fight. But she has never backed down from a confrontation with me. She never lets me either."

"What are you saying Jamie?" Sadie asks, knowing that he has a point. Over the years Jude and Jamie had had their problems. When they broke up after Jude came back from tour, Jamie was the one that wanted nothing to do with her and Jude kept pestering him. When Jude and Tommy got back together, Jude didn't/wouldn't let Jamie's friendship go. She never backed down from him. So why now?

"Jude's running. I don't know why and I don't know from what, but she's running Sadie. She's panicked, I could see it in her eyes."

"Jamie I don't know what to do!" Sadie says with a frustrated sigh. "Jude's my baby sister. I spent the first 16 years of her life trying to make it a living hell and the last 2 trying to make up for it. I've screwed up every way a sister can and have done everything I can to fix it. I've watched her achieve her biggest goal and finally get to be with the love of her life, just to watch her life crumble around her and her heart be broken over and over again. I thought this was it, but now I think this is all wrong! What am I supposed to do Jamie?"

"Be her sister." Jamie says with a sad smile. "That's really all you can do."

"What if it's not enough anymore?"

"I think it is. I think what Jude needs is for the honesty that she can only get from the one person that has always been so critical of her life."

"What do I say to her? Come home Jude, this isn't working. That just sounds so selfish and knowing Jude she'll say no."

"You're just going to have to talk to her. Jude will only do what she wants to do. I pushed her Sadie, you can't do that."

"No I can't. I get the impression Jude is sitting on the edge and any interference could push her over." Turning in a circle to stare at the bare walls and desk Sadie sighs. "I just wish I knew what had happened."

"What do you mean?" Jamie asks.

"With…Jude and Tommy. The last time we really talked they were getting married, Jude was in love and they were getting married. Tommy was ready to settle down and she was happy. She was ready to plan her life with him. When did that change?"

"I don't think it ever really did." Jamie says resting against the desk in the room. "Jude talked to me, the morning before her concert. She was concerned about Tommy and all the pressure she was feeling."

"What do you mean?"

"Jude kept calling Tommy a crutch, all of us actually. She felt that maybe she needed to do this on her own, without him."

"Jude told you she wanted to leave Tommy?"

"No. All she said was that maybe she needed to be on her own."

"And let me guess…you told her to dump him and fly far, far away." Sadie says frustrated. Why hadn't Jude come to her with this?

"Actually, quite the opposite." Jamie says, noting the skepticism on Sadie's face. "I told her that she had to do what she felt and that Tommy really cared for her, that I think he actually did really love her." Jamie feels his face heating under Sadie's surprised stare. "And I told her that if she was changing her mind she needed to tell him…"

"And…" Sadie asks, sensing there was more.

"What I didn't tell her, and I probably should've, was that I thought she needed him. And that what she was feeling, was fear." Jamie takes a moment before he finally says the thing he never thought he would ever hear himself say. "Jude has loved Tommy since she was 15 years- old. I think Jude was afraid that she was finally getting everything she had wanted and instead of letting anything bad happen…she pushed it all away."

"That does sound like Jude." Sadie says worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Sighing she walks to the doorway and gives one last look at Jamie over her shoulder. "She isn't going to want me to interfere."

"I think she does. She won't admit it and she won't be very open to it, but she does. She wouldn't have looked so relieved to see all of us at the airport if she didn't."

Nodding her head Sadie heads down the hallway to Jude's bedroom. "I hope you're right Jamie."

**So it's not very long and not a lot happens, but I'm just getting back into the swing of things! Give it some time. By the next chapter you're going to see a lot more of Jude and if I can squeeze it in maybe some Tommy! I hope you all enjoyed this newest update! I promise to try and do better! Thanks again to all reading and reviewing. PLEASE let me know how you feel with where this story is going. It's been so long I feel like I might've lost touch with the characters and could definitely use the help!**


	8. Worried

**Hey you guys! It's me! Updating in under a month!**

**Ok so for those who didn't have a heart attack from the shock I just want to say thanks for still reading! You are all great and have WAY more patience than I do! I hope you like this newest update, I still feel a little shaky with my take on the characters. Your response to the last chapter helped so keep it up! Thanks again you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Stars or the characters.**

After storming out of the room Jude heads to her bed room, without looking behind her she shoves the door and when she doesn't hear the slam she turns to see Speed standing in the doorway. "Go away Speed."

"Pretty hard on him weren't you?" Speed asks ignoring what Jude said.

"Are you kidding me?" Jude says turning to glare at Speed. "Jamie was way out of line back there!" she says pointing to the door.

Sighing, Speed shoves his hands in his pockets as he steps further into the room, but still staying out of arms reach. Angry Jude equals bodily harm. "Was he?" Speed asks with extra calm in his voice, knowing Jude was going to freak.

"What!" Jude yells, never one to disappoint. "You're siding with Jamie!"

"No Jude, I'm not." Speed always tried to stay out of Jude's business, knowing that getting involved would get you in trouble. He loved Jude like a sister, she was the Lisa to his Bart Simpson, but she has her moods.

Speed had learned through the years when to bud out and to step in with his words of wisdom. He only really had given his opinion once before, back at their senior prom. Then he had told Jude to stop playing her games with Jamie, they both knew that there was only one man for her and it wasn't the boy next door. After that Speed had to deal with his own issues with Karma, what with their not so fake wedding and then the reality show from hell, his life got very chaotic very fast! So Jude had sadly been put to the back burner, only getting part of his attention. Speed still felt he was partly to blame over the outcome of Jude's third album, if he had paid more attention to what was happening he could've maybe stopped her downward spiral. He didn't even want to think about Jude's decision to run off to London alone. What had she been thinking! She needed to go to London, Speed agreed with that, but if she was going to go she needed to bring all of herself to London. And right now her heart is still back in Toronto, a blind man could see that.

"What I'm saying Jude is that we're worried about you."

"Well you guys don't need to be Speed. I'm promise you everything is fine, I am fine." Jude says with fake cheerfulness in her voice.

"Jude if everything is fine then how come you have nothing to do in London or any idea of where to go? If you're fine then how come your brand new car only has 107 miles on it, signifying that you go nowhere? If you're so fine Jude then why have you only recorded one song in three months? A song that you don't even want released." Speed just stares at Jude and sees all the spark that makes up his favorite rocker fade a little bit more. "We can see that you're not fine Jude. And I don't know if you're just lying to us or maybe you're lying to yourself, but you're not fine."

"Speed." Jude says shaking her head and closing her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that for too long she's ignored.

Taking the three steps needed to pull her in his arms, Speed envelopes Jude's small frame into a hug and just holds her for the next five minutes. Hearing a feminine throat clear from behind them, Speed turns his head to see Sadie standing in the door way. "I'm just going to go and leave you two lovely ladies be." Speed says dropping his arms and standing up. "Go easy on her." Speed whispers to Sadie while walking past her. Shutting the door quietly behind him he sees Jamie standing in the hallway staring. "Jude's going to be ok man." Speed says walking to Jamie and throwing an arm around his shoulder, guiding him to the kitchen."If its one thing I know about Jude, she's a scrappy one."

Laughing and shaking his head, Jamie sighs. "Yes she is."

Back in Jude's bedroom Sadie has taken Speed's place on the bed. "Jude, can we talk?"

"Not right now Sadie." Jude says shaking her head and laying down on the bed. "I'm just so tired."

"That's fine. But we're going to talk Jude." Sadie says laying down next to her sister in the big queen size bed. A few minutes go by and Sadie can hear Jude's breathing even out. Looking over she sees Jude sleeping peacefully and wonders how long it has been since her sister has been that relaxed.

----------------------

"Ok Karma, that's a wrap for the day." Tommy says into the intercom before sighing and falling back into his chair. It had been another uninspiring day in the studio. Karma was doing well, her Ghost of Mine single was still in the top forty and it had almost been a month since its release. Darius wanted more from her; yesterday he came into the studio and said she needs to have more heart to her songs. Darius wanted her to have a song with more spirit; he wanted a song with more feeling. Darius wants a killer ballad. What Darius wants is to have Jude back. Something that Tommy could completely understand. Not a second went by that Tommy wasn't wondering about Jude. He had dialed her number so many times, just to hang up before it even started ringing. He just didn't know.

She had been gone almost three months and she hadn't called once, not even a text to say that I landed safely. It had been three months with no word from her, but what bothered Tommy the most was that what if Jude had found that she didn't need him. What if over the three months Jude had a whole new life and she had moved on. It killed him to think that she was with someone new, Tommy avoided all tabloids and press from London, not wanting to know what his girl was up to; to afraid to know the details of her new life. He wondered if she felt the same way about him. Did he cross her mind? Did she sit in the studio in London wondering what he was up to?

"Tommy!" Karma says even louder from behind him, finally pulling him out of his thoughts, something that she had to do more and more often.

"What, Karma? Sorry." Tommy says turning in his chair to face her standing in the doorway between the recording room and studio.

"I asked if that final take was good enough. Do you think it will meet Darius's hearty, spirited, ballad thing-y?" Karma asks.

Tommy had to suppress a grimace. Darius demanding Karma to produce a ballad that came anywhere near the intensity of Jude's was ridiculous. Not to insult Karma, but she didn't have near the talent that Jude did. And she wasn't a ballad singer/songwriter. She had no experience with that genre and had little interest in it. Tommy couldn't blame her, her fans weren't into ballads. "It's not quite there yet, but we'll work on it more tomorrow." Tommy says shaking his head.

"It's only 7 pm." Karma says looking to the clock. "I'm fine with staying and working on it a little more."

"Normally I'd say yes, but you're not used to singing ballads and your voice is starting to get tired. Why don't you go home, I'm sure Speed is missing you with the hours we're putting in here?"

"I would go home to Speed, but he's not here." Karma says huffing and slouching onto the soundboard. "He left early this morning with Jamie and Sadie to go visit Jude in London and won't be back until Sunday or something."

"Jamie and Speed went with Sadie to London?" Tommy asks with more ease and nonchalance than he actually feels.

"Yea, they left this morning." Karma says grabbing her jacket and purse. "Well if we're done here…"

"Why did Jamie and Speed go with her?" Tommy asks, dropping the nonchalance.

"Oh I don't know." Karma says ignorant that Tommy is hanging on her every word. "Something about how he's worried about Jude, that she doesn't sound too good on the phone."

"Jude calls you guys?" Tommy asks, feeling his throat tighten. Of course Jude would call them. Speed was her lead guitarist and one of her best friends. He never broke her heart, giving her plenty of reasons to run far and fast from him.

"Yea at least once a week, it's always late at night too." Bored with the time difference Karma waves and gives a noncommittal goodbye. "See you tomorrow Qunicy."

"Yea, tomorrow." Tommy says, not paying attention to her retreating form. His mind to full of the new information he had just received. In the three months she had been gone Tommy hadn't asked a single question about her and tried to avoid any conversation involving her. It was bad enough living with himself and his personal thoughts, everyone else's would just be torture.

Tommy didn't know how much of what Karma said was accurate, but if there is any truth to her words than Jude wasn't moving on like he had feared. Jude didn't sound good on the phone. Jamie and Speed went with Sadie to check up on her. That wasn't what Tommy wanted to hear at all. Reaching in his pocket and pulling out his cellphone Tommy goes to dial Jude's number, but his phone rings before he presses the first button. Checking the caller ID he answers the phone."Kwest, what's up?"

"Not much Tom. Just got back into Toronto and was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight."

"Ah I don't think so man. I'm not exactly in the mood…"

"I'm not saying let's go out and party the night away, I'm not really in the partying mood either. I just am sick of my own company and thought you might feel the same."

Torn Tommy sighs, "Sure man. I just have a few things to finish up here. So how bout we meet at The Chain around 8."

"Let's make it 8:30. I just got back into town and could use the extra time."

"Yea sure. So how was Montreal? How's your family?"

"They're doing fine."

"Well that's good. So I'll see you later man." Hanging up the phone Tommy dials Jude's number and listens as the phone rings, fighting down the normal temptation to hang up Tommy counts the rings. After the sixth one it goes to voicemail and instead of hanging up like normal Tommy waits for the beep. "Jude…it's Tommy…Just wondering how you're doing. Give me a call." Hanging up, Tommy smacks himself in the head. Haven't talked to her in three months and you sound like a moron. Irritated with himself Tommy shoves his phone back in his pocket and gets to straightening up the studio so it'll be ready for Karma tomorrow.

**As you can see this too isn't a long chapter. My plan/goal is try and update more with smaller chapters. That way it hopefully won't be as long between updates! …Yea not a perfect plan, but it's work in progress. Finals are next week so I'm not promising any miracles, but good news is that after that I have almost a month of no classes and lots of free time! I just want to say thanks to all who are still with me in this story and would greatly appreciate some feedback! I feel a little like a fish out of water since it's been so long! Thanks again to everyone!**


	9. It's going to be ok?

**Hey…I suck! I know. Hate me all you want. I deserve it and a whole lot more. All I can say is college doesn't leave much time for extras…especially when you must transfer halfway through the semester and have to play catch-up. Anyways, I have finals this next week and then I'm done with classes until August! Meaning I'm going to try and bust my butt to get these stories back on some type of track. Hopefully being able to update A LOT more often! So that's enough with me going on for now…I just want to say again how sorry I am! You don't deserve me disappearing like that. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or its characters. I only wish!**

Rolling over Jude bumps into a warm, solid body; confused and alarmed she sits up and turns on the light just in time to see Sadie sitting up too. "Hey Sades…what time is it?" Jude asks putting a hand to her forehead, she felt different: almost rested, something that she hadn't felt since she came to London.

"It's about three in the morning." Sadie says looking at her watch.

"Oh, geez! Sorry I woke you up Sadie. And the guys; Jamie and Speed! I'm such a terrible hostess!" Jude says running a hand through her hair.

"Jude, you don't have to worry about that. We understand. We're here to see and support you. Not to be pesky house guests that you need to take care of and entertain. Besides we all know better than to expect you to be the Holly Homemaker."

"I think you mean Suzy Homemaker" Jude says smiling.

Giving Jude a thoughtful look Sadie reaches out and rests a hand on Jude's cheek. "There's that smile. I've been missing."

Confusion and concern clouding her find Jude feels her muscles move into a frown. "Sadie…?" Interrupted by her phone beeping, Jude reaches over and picks it up and notices the missed call and voicemail. "Just a second Sades." Jude says before dialing and punching in her security code. Listening to the automated voice Jude stands up to pace, feeling too anxious to sit. The missed call had been from Tommy.

"_Jude…its Tommy…Just wondering how you're doing. Give me a call" _Freezing mid pace Jude pulls the phone from her ear and looks at it, forgetting the fact that Sadie was only sitting a few feet away staring at her. Pressing the button to repeat the message Jude puts the phone back to her ear. Replaying the message she closes her eyes and imagines that Tommy is in the room with her and not across the Atlantic. Replaying it one more time Jude feels her knees give out and is grateful that the bed was there to catch her fall. It was the first time she had heard his real voice, not just the figment of her imagination that played in her mind, but his real voice since that night of her last concert. Nothing, no song, or words had ever sounded better than his voice at that moment. Feeling the familiar burn in her eyes Jude doesn't have the energy to fight the tears any longer. What she didn't realize was that by letting the tears fall it would open a flood gate that she had been holding back for a little over three months.

Startled by Jude's reaction to whatever and whoever left the message Sadie reaches over and picks up the phone up off the bed and presses the button to repeat the message. Hearing Tommy's voice fill her ear Sadie looks down at her sister and feels her heart crack a little for her baby sister. Shutting the phone Sadie reaches out a rubs a hand on Jude's back. She had thought she had loved Tommy and that she had experienced the worst heartache over him, but she had been wrong. She didn't know this kind of pain that Jude was going through. And Sadie hoped she never had to, because if this was the result of being in love, Sadie didn't know if it was worth it. She couldn't think of anything that was worth what it appeared Jude was going through now. And this was all just from the sound of his voice. "Oh Jude…it's going to be ok." Sadie said, but even she doubted her words.

--------------------

Walking into the Chain at closer to 9 than 8:30, Tommy wondered if Kwest was still waiting for him. It had been almost two hours since Tommy had called Jude and he was regretting his lame voicemail more and more. It had been over three months without a word and all he was able to say was 'wondering how you were doing'! The fact she hadn't called him back was very telling to Tommy also. With all the worrying and regretting Tommy had worked himself into quite a mood and drinking was probably the last thing he needed to do right now. But Kwest had just gotten back from being gone almost three months, almost as long as Jude had been away. With that passing thought Tommy walks up to the bar and orders a beer. Before looking around for Kwest, feeling a tap on his shoulder Tommy turns to see is best friend leaning against the bar. "Sorry I'm late, but you know how it is." Tommy says before turning back to the bartender and handing him cash before turning back to Kwest. Taking a swig of his beer Tommy notices the lines on Kwests face. It appeared that his time away from Toronto and Sadie hadn't done much to improve Kwest's pain.

While Tommy had taken his time to check Kwest over, Kwest was doing the same of Tommy. He had felt terrible leaving Tom alone at one of the hardest times of his life, but Kwest hadn't been able to stay. He hadn't even known what Tom was going through until Jude was already in London and Kwest had been making plans to leave Toronto too. Tommy didn't look much better than after Jude had left. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced and his face seemed more sallow and thin than before. Kwest had seen Tom at his worst; he had thought rock-bottom had been after Angie. Well that was nothing compared to this. "It's ok man, I understand working in the studio. Things happen. Artists need their producers."

"Yea well…" Tommy sighs leaning hard against the bar. "G-Major really needs producers right now." Giving Kwest a imploring look Tommy waits for his friend to say something.

"You can just stop that line of thinking right now. Tom. I know things there must be crazy, but there's no going back for me. Not ever."

"Not even if Darius begged you to?" Tommy asks, only half kidding.

Kwest doesn't say anything at first, only raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Is it really to that point?"

"Well I don't know about Darius begging, but I just might." Tommy says laughing. "I've only been back two days, but I'm ready to march back into D's office and tell him that I need those three more weeks he was willing to give me."

"I'm sorry Tom, but there's just no going back, especially not with her there, especially not with her with him."

Taking another, longer gulp of his beer Tommy notices he needs another. Catching the eye of the bartender Tommy turns to face Kwest fully. "I know you said something is going on between them, but they honestly haven't been doing anything. Not that anyone has noticed. And you know how gossip and secrets go at G-Major." Noticing Kwest becoming more and more reticent Tommy stops talking and pays for the second beer. "I'm sorry man. I just miss having someone to talk to and share the hell with."

Nodding in understanding Kwest requests another drink for himself. "Even if I would consider it it's too late now. I've already got another job as a producer." At Tommy's surprised look Kwest smiles. "You're looking at NBR's newest producer. It seems that since signing Speiderman Jamie's label has finally got its feet on the ground and he needs someone with more experience to keep the flow going. I was supposed to start this week, but Jamie called with an emergency and I decided to take the extra time to move into my new place."

Tommy had only been half listening, he was glad to hear that Kwest was getting his life in order, but hearing about Jamie immediately brought Jude to the forefront of his mind and that just made Tommy want to drink even more, something that he had been trying to refrain from doing since Jude left. Hearing Kwest say Jamie had an emergency, Tommy's interest gets piqued. "What emergency?"

"I'm not quite sure." Kwest said shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of his drink. "Jamie said that Speiderman called him saying they were needed in London. Juu…" Shutting his mouth quickly, almost biting his tongue Kwest looks over at Tommy to notice him holding his breath and his whole body had froze up. Silently cursing himself for mentioning London or Jude. "Look man, I'm sorry." Tommy was still silent. "I wasn't thinking, man…" Still nothing. "Tom." Kwest says reaching out and resting a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Man, listen, I know this sounds lame, but…if you need to talk…" feeling stupid Kwest doesn't finish that sentence. This was Tom Quincy he was talking to. Tom made the silent type look chatty, keeping his personal life more secretive than most. So when Tommy started talking Kwest wasn't quite sure what to do, except sit and listen.

"I called her yesterday. I mean actually called and let the phone ring." Tom said looking off into nothing, his focus obviously not on the here and now. "Some guy answered and I felt like a moron. I called again today, this time it was only her voicemail and I left the dumbest message possible. It has been three months since I've talked to her. In three months all I could think of was 'just wondering how you were doing?' God! No wonder she left me. I mean had I ever given her a reason to stay? Had I ever let her know what she meant to me? No. I was too caught up in my own bullshit until now. When it's too late to change anything and all I'm left to do is think about what I should've done." Getting silent again Tommy downs the rest of his beer and turns to face Kwest. "Regrets Kwest…my life is full of them. I used to think Boyz Attack would be my biggest regret, but that was before Angie. And for the longest time she had been my biggest regret, but not anymore." Shaking his head Tommy tries to take another swig of his beer, having forgotten it was empty. Ordering another he looks at his hands. "She brought out the best in me. Without Jude I don't know where I would be right now man, definitely not a G-Major. And now that she's gone…I don't know what I'm going to do."

Not liking where this train of thought was going Kwest puts a hand on Tommy's arm stopping him from taking a drink from his fresh beer. "You are going to leave that beer on the bar and come with me." Kwest said paying for his drink and Tom's. "And we're going to go back to my place and tomorrow we're going to come back a pick up your car. You're in no shape to drive tonight."

Not even bothering to argue Tommy puts his arm around Kwests shoulder and heads to the door. There had been a time when four beers wouldn't have given Tom a buzz, but that was before Jude. His tolerance for alcohol had was nowhere near what it used to be.

Getting Tommy from the bar to his car and from his car to his new apartment Kwest was surprised at how easy it had been. There was a time Tommy would've fought him to stay at the bar for just one more, but it appeared that the fight was no longer in him; that to must've crossed the Atlantic with Jude. Kwest had never seen Tom like this, not even with Angie and he had thought that was as low as a person could go. It was obvious he had been very wrong. What Tommy felt for Jude could only be described as life-altering. And watching the effects it could have on a person, Kwest doubted it was even worth it.

"Kwest she just left and I let her. And now there's nothing to get her back here. She hasn't even called me Kwest. I pushed her to much, too far and now I'm paying for it."

"Tom it's going to be ok."

"Is it really?" Tommy asks before closing his eyes and feeling the tears trickling down the sides of his eyes.

**So there's the update…I hope it you all enjoyed it! I must say I actually got a little emotional with this chapter myself. For some reason when writing these two it feels very personal to me, more so in this story than with my other stories. I'm going to try and get a new post out by the end of next week. Hopefully I'll even get to Jude's concert by then. Honestly the whole outline I had for the story doesn't really fit anymore so I'm playing this thing by ear now…not sure where these characters are going to take me. And I'm hoping some out there will still review and help me in the right direction! I'm open to any ideas or suggestions! It's the only way this story is going to get off the ground! Thanks to all who read and the reviews you are the best!**


	10. Opinions

"Jude." Sadie says watching her sister pour four cups of coffee. "Jude." She says following her sister walk carry two of the mugs to the table handing them to Speed and Jamie. "Jude." Sadie says turning and watching her walk back to grab the other two mugs. "Jude." Sadie says when her sister hands her the coffee. When Jude turns to walk towards the table Sadie sighs. "Jude!" She shouts grabbing her arm and stopping her mid turn. "We are going to talk about what happened."

"No Sadie, we are not, because we have nothing to talk about." Jude says jerking her head towards the guys at the table before whispering. "I don't want them to know about what happened. I don't want them to think there's a problem."

"Ah Harrisons…" Speed says standing up from the table

"Jude in particular." Jamie says standing up with him "We already know that there's a problem."

"And we completely understand you not wanting to talk about it in from of us."

"It would be extremely awkward considering the circumstances."

"So well you two ladies talk or whatever you have to do I'm going to go get ready for tonight's show." Speiderman finishes his coffee before heading out of the kitchen.

"And I'm going to go with and see if I can offer any help." Jamie says following after him.

"How are they getting there?" Jude asks confused.

"Jamie called a cab." Sadie says crossing her arms. "You were too busy trying to avoid me to notice."

"I wasn't trying to avoid you Sades. I just don't have anything to say about what happened, because it was nothing and I'm better now."

"Nothing! You call that nothing Jude!" Sadie shrieks throwing her arms in the air. "You get a voicemail from Tommy and you have a breakdown that rivals that of Brittany post K-Fed…and that's nothing? I don't call that nothing Jude."

"I don't want to talk about it. Talking about it isn't going to make anything better; it's not going to change anything. So tell me Sadie, what's the point?"

"Jude…" Sadie pauses trying to think about what she should say. Should she be the supportive friend or the honest sister?

"I have to get ready to go. Richard is going to be waiting for me as it is." Jude says sighing and setting her mug in the sink and turning to leave the kitchen. The enthusiasm she used to have for a live performance was gone. Now Jude made it actually sound like it was a job, it didn't sound like she had loved it like she once had. That's what helped Sadie make her choice; and be the honest sister.

"Jude!" Sadie calls after her. "Maybe this is a mistake."

"Maybe what's a mistake?" Jude asks confused.

"London."

"What about London?"

"I think it's a mistake that you moved to London." Feeling the tension in the room multiply with those words Sadie sighs and goes for broke. "Jude I think you leaving Toronto and coming to London by yourself was a mistake. I think what made you love music so much was who you were with when you were making it. I think there's a reason you haven't been able to write anything since leaving home. I think deep down you know it too."

"You've been doing lots of thinking it sounds like Sades." Jude says her voice unnaturally neutral.

"And that's just the start of it. I also think you miss Tommy more than you're willing to admit and I think you trying to ignore the pain isn't making it go away. You're hurting Jude and I never knew how much until I finally got here and saw it for myself, but now that I have I don't think I can stand for it to go on a minute longer."

"Nobody is asking you to. If it makes you feel better just go home, back to G-Major and back to your new beau Darius the Sugar Daddy or whatever it is he is to you. Don't worry about me here! I'm doing just fine!"

"You are not doing fine Jude! I'm worried about you."

"Well don't." Jude says on a sigh, "If you're going to worry about someone Sades, what about Kwest? Huh? I'm sure he isn't doing to good since you dropped him for Darius. Worry about that and leave me alone."

"That's none of your business Jude and you don't know what you're talking about."

"I can say the same thing to you Sadie. You have no idea what you're talking about or what's going on in my life. You're just a visitor here, but look around. This is my life now."

"This is not your life Jude. This is a lie. A façade that you have made with the help of this fancy record label that is trying to change you."

"You're wrong." Jude says shaking her head and heading towards her room.

Following after Sadie stands in the doorway. "Jude this has got to stop. Please! Come home with me."

"No!"

"This isn't right Jude, I can feel it and I know you can too."

"Sadie I don't have time for this. So would you please stop with the drama and be my supportive sister for just one day at least." Jude says digging for an outfit for tonight.

"I am being your sister and any good sister wouldn't stand back and watch her baby sister lose herself and suffer in silence like you're doing. I won't Jude."

"Then just leave!" Jude yells stopping her rummaging in her dresser. The silence in the room is deafening as the Harrison sisters just stare at each other. Looking down at her hands Jude bites back a groan. "Sadie…"

"No, its fine, you're right. After your show tonight I'll be on the first flight back to Toronto. I'll stay long enough to be the supportive sister that you want so badly, but then I'll be gone and out of your hair and your new life." Turning to leave her sister to get ready in peace Sadie makes one last parting shot. "Just think about what I said, for me at least, and if you don't want to think about that, then listen to your voicemail again. Because Tommy is hurting just as much as you are and this time he hasn't done anything to deserve it."

Watching Sadie's retreating back Jude feels her eyes burn. She knew Sadie was just trying to help, but having her point out the obvious wasn't helping, especially since Jude had been trying for three months to repress the pain she had been feeling. Looking at the phone on her bed-side table Jude thinks about the voicemail she hadn't been able to delete and the heartache she was sure that she was sharing with one other person in the world.

Sniffling Jude shuffles to get ready, doing what she does best, pushing back the pain trying to become numb to it all over again.

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Tommy woke up feeling like he had been run over by a semi. He hadn't gotten drunk like that since he first got back from taking care of his mother. Ever since he said those terrible, hateful words to Jude Tommy had stopped drinking like that, being sure to stop at one so he never lost his senses again and hurt someone he loved. But last night he hadn't been able to stop at just one, and what was really the point? The person he had been changing for, to be a better man for, was an ocean away. Stumbling out of his bed and opening the door to his room he continues his stumbling down the hallway to get to the coffee. When the first whiff of fresh brew of coffee hits him Tommy groans. "Thank god for coffee makers with timers!"

"Do you always have conversations with yourself after a night of getting hammered?" "Kwest asks standing behind Tom in the doorway.

"Jesus!" Tommy says practically jumping out of his skin and turning to glare at his friend. "Do you make it a point to break into your friends apartments early in the morning to scare the shit out of them?"

"Well first of all, I didn't break in I used the key you gave me and I never left after getting your ass back here last night. Second of all, it's almost noon so it's a completely respectable time to be here. And lastly, that coffee you're going on about is due to me being a good friend and starting a fresh pot after the first one grew cold."

"Is it seriously almost noon!" Tommy says turning to find a clock.

"Yes and Darius has left quite a few messages for you. All but the last message is on the machine."

"And the last message?"

"Oh that one I stupidly answered the phone and had a lovely conversation with Darius. After about five minutes of trying to talk me into coming back to G-Major he gave me a message to give to you. Do you want the Darius version or my version?"

Shrugging his shoulders and pouring himself a cup of coffee Tommy sighs. "Whichever one you feel like telling works for me."

"Ok then…I'm going to paraphrase here…'You were the one who said you were ready to get back into the studio and to move on. So get your ass out of bed and be there or take the last three weeks that you are due. It's time for some serious business.'"

"That's paraphrasing?"

"You know how Darius is."

"Yea and I'm sure one more hour isn't going to matter than the four I'm already late. Besides he needs me too much to really do anything about it."

"Doesn't it feel good to be needed?" Kwest asks with a smirk on his face. This sounded like the old Tom.

"Actually right about now all I can feel is the pounding in my head and the cotton feeling in my mouth. Everything else is just secondary right now."

"A couple of aspirin and some coffee and that feeling should go away."

"Yea and then I'm left with the empty feeling that has taken over since Jude left me."

"Tom…" Kwest says shocked about his oldest friends short burst of true emotions, something as rare as seeing a shooting star. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No I just want to go back to work and forget about it."

"I think you might feel better if you've talked about it Tom. Maybe get some things of your chest."

"And I don't agree. Because all talking will do is remind me of her. Force her back to the forefront of all my thoughts, making the last two months of trying to push her out of my mind a complete waste of time."

"Isn't it already Tom? It's kind of obvious that it didn't work, if last night and this morning are anything to go by. You still miss her and that's because you love her and nothing is going to change that or make the pain you're feeling go away."

"Speaking from experience now Kwest?" Tommy says and wishes he could take the words back.

"That was low Tom."

"Look man, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I just…I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't man. We're both just a little screwed up right now, that's all."

"What has happened to us?" Tommy says speaking more to himself.

"We fell in love with two girls who are too afraid to love us back."

"Ain't that the truth."

"It gets easier though."

"Really?"

"I certainly hope so."

-----------------

"Jude." Sadie says closing the door to Jude's dressing room behind her. "Richard says it's almost time for you to get on stage. Are you almost ready?" Watching her sister sit and stare at her reflection Sadie wonders if she even heard a word she says for the lack of acknowledgment. "Jude, did you hear me?"

"Yea Sades…" Jude says still staring into the mirror.

"Jude?" Sadie reaches her hand out to rest it on her shoulder.

"Sorry Sadie." Jude says shaking her head and turning to get away from her reflection. "I was just thinking is all."

"Oh? What about?" Sadie asks with a silent prayer, hoping it was about what she had tried talking about earlier.

"I think I need a change." Jude says looking up at her sister.

"Oh Juu…"

"Yea I was thinking maybe brown."

"Brown?" Sadie asks confused.

"Yea, for my hair?" Jude says not noticing her sisters' confusion and then being followed by irritation. "I had that red hair, but we both must admit I'm not a sullen teenager anymore and can't pull of the attitude needed for it and I'm too pale to try and pull off black, but a nice auburn color might work. What do you think?"

"Are you serious?!" Sadie shrieks stomping her foot in the process.

"What's wrong Sades?" Jude asks confused.

"Nothing…"Sadie says sighing.

"That was not nothing."

"I just…when you mentioned a change I thought….I just thought you meant more of a change is all."

"Oh I see. You thought I was talking about what you said earlier. Well you can just forget it Sadie." Jude says walking to the couch and then back to stand in front of Sadie. "The reason I asked was because Nicolette was here earlier when you and the guys went to get lunch and she just mentioned how my fans really seemed to take notice after I dyed my hair blonde during my sophomore album. She just thought maybe a change like that again might help me out a little while I'm going through this transition." When Sadie doesn't say anything Jude sighs. "She thinks the change might do me and my image some good and since you're my sister and have been with me since the beginning I just wanted your opinion before I did anything."

"Do you really want my opinion?" When Jude nods her head apprehensively Sadie shakes hers. "Get out. Get out now before this label does any more damage to you then they already have." Holding up her hand to stop Jude's protest Sadie keeps going. "You asked me this morning to be the supportive sister and I'm going to try my damndest to do that until my flight leaves tomorrow, but right here, right now, you asked for my opinion so you're going to hear it. Understood?" When neither Harrison says anything Sadie sighs and takes a minute to compose her frustration because the last thing Jude will listen to is her anger.

"I don't know how or when it happened, but this isn't the Jude who stood up to Shay. Or the Jude who sang her songs for her fans suspended in the air, going against Darius, the record label, and your contract. That Jude never cared about her image because she knew that her fans would love her music anyways because that's the type of fans you have Jude. They loved you in spite of the stuff Darius and Portia made you do for your 'image'. Your fans accept everything you do because it's you doing it and it's real. You screwed up and got drunk and instead of playing it safe you admitted your faults and posted the pictures, facing the ridicule to come. Dying your hair isn't going to change anything for your fans. All that's going to achieve is the papers to write about you more… something you never used to like and avoided at all costs. But that was before London and Nicolette. Before you got scared and ran." Shocked the words left her mouth Jude looks at Sadie and notices her sister was just as shocked. "My opinon…" Sadie says after a minute "is to get out Jude. Come home. Maybe not to G-Major and maybe not to Tom, but come back to Toronto. Start over." With nothing left to say Sadie sighs. "That's my opinion and now I'm going to be the supportive sister you asked for and give you a hug and wish you the best of luck tonight, I'm sure you're going to do great."

"Sadie…" Jude calls after her, but is interrupted by a knock on the door followed by Richard coming in.

"Jude you need to start heading towards the stage." Looking between the two sisters Richard can sense the tension in the room and it doesn't leave with Sadie as the door closes behind her. Turning to watch Jude pace her dressing room obviously upset and Richard doesn't know what to do to help her. Maybe if he hadn't spent the last three months fighting with her at every turn he would be better adept and helping her now. "Jude…"

"I heard you the first time!" Jude says stopping her pacing to glare at him. "I just need a minute. Just a minute. Just one more minute." Sitting down on the couch Jude rests her head in her hands and sighs.

Richard has never seen Jude like this before, he honestly has never seen any artist like this before. And from the little that he knew of Jude and had recently found out about her, she was usually a lot more excited at performing in front of her fans. "Can I get you something?" He asks lamely.

Laughing without any humor Jude stands and runs a hand through her already messy hair. "Can you get me the last three months of my life back?.... No? I didn't think so." Jude says grabbing her water bottle from the vanity and looks in the mirror one last time. Seeing Richards reflection there standing behind hers Jude turns away and storms out of the dressing room. Calling after her, "I thought it was show time?"


	11. Perform

**I have no defense. I've been busy and haven't had the time to give this story the attention it needs. On top of that I struggle to find the inspiration to give the story what I always wanted for it. I'm not going to make any promises for super fast updates, but only the promise that I haven't forgotten this story and I will continue until I come to an ending I'm happy with. But it will take time because I don't want to rush something just to update, I want it to be good. I only hope you all like what I come up! This story is for you guys after all! So please don't hate me! I'm trying! I also would really appreciate some feedback with what you think is going on with this story. It's been soo long that I worry I'm not staying true to the characters. Can't wait to hear from you! And thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters. And the second song is Katy Perry's song Lost…I just changed a few of the words to have it fit better. I own nothing!**

Jude and Speed had been rocking the performance, she didn't know what had come over her, but somewhere between storming out of her dressing room and grabbing her guitar on stage she had gotten over the last bump to this performance. She had looked out at her fans and knew that for that moment at least everything could be like it always was. She was Jude Harrison, they were her adoring fans, and all that mattered was the music. And as long as she kept performing there would be no problem, it would all be like nothing had changed. Like she hadn't run from the love of her life and the only life she had ever known. As long as she kept this performance going she could pretend she was on a stage in Toronto, her friends and family waiting backstage for her. The second part at least was true, since, if she looked right, she could see both Sadie and Jamie standing there. Jamie smiling and talking, trying to make connections and Sadie with an almost convincing smile on her face, one that Jude could easily see through.

The problem was her set was coming to a close. All she had left to perform was My Sweet Time and then That Was Us, the first one she was looking forward to since it was one of her favorites off her sophomore album, the second she was wondering if there was any way out of it. That song was private, something that she never meant to go beyond her eyes. She knew that once performed the song would hit the internet within in minutes and be in Toronto by tomorrow morning and Tommy will have heard it by noon. And she didn't think she could handle that yet, if ever. That Was Us was all about goodbyes and she wasn't ready for that.

"You are all so amazing! I want to thank you for giving me the time I needed to get adjusted to this big transition in my life!" Smiling when the fans cheers grew, Jude waits for them to quiet down. "Next I'm going to perform one of my personal favorites My Sweet Time and then I have a surprise just for you here tonight!" Turning back to get a swig of water Jude looks at Speed.

"How you doing Harrison?" Speed asks taking a quick chug of his water.

"Great! I didn't realize how much I miss this, miss them."

"Well you were meant to perform, Jude. Not hole up in a studio." Catching the annoyance flash in her eyes Speed stops that topic. "Are you going to be able to perform That Was Us?"

"What do you mean? I know the song Speed, I wrote it." Jude asks ignoring the sharp jump of her heart at even the name of the song.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about Jude. Are you going to be able to get through this song without running off stage like you did both times in rehearsal earlier today?"

"Speed…" Jude says apprehensive.

"I'm just saying Jude, if you want I can make a scene on stage and get you out of doing the song."

Laughing Jude shakes her head and rests a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for the offer Speed, but I don't think it will come to that, but I'll let you know." Looking to the right Jude sees Jamie smiling at her and Sadie talking on her cell or at least trying to. Behind them Richard and Nicolette are talking, they've probably missed the whole performance. With one last wistful look, hoping to see the familiar face of Tommy, but knowing it's futile she turns back to her fans and pastes on her biggest smile. Feeling the vibrations and familiar beat coming from behind her Jude gets back into the moment of the song, remembering when she was writing it on the road. The freedom she had felt right before she got home and lost so much of her control. Remembering that freedom, Jude lets it all go; giving 100 percent of her-self to the song.

**Late at night hear the song spinning in my head  
Heaven knows I can't sleep at all  
I'm thinkin 'bout all my stuff missing my own bed  
And all my friends but it's too late to call  
Hanging out all day at the Holiday Inn  
Waitin's such a drag until the band kicks in**

I don't know where the next road goes but I feel the wheels rolling down below me  
Take my sweet time  
getting it back again  
What matters most will carry me  
Through the night to where I wanna be baby  
Take my sweet time  
But I'll be home again  
In my own sweet time

Calling out every night and it just so good  
How it works is a mystery  
But I believe in my heart I'm doing what I should  
With all these lost souls following  
Waiting all day until let's begin  
I love how it feels when the band kicks in

I don't know where the next road goes but I feel the wheels rolling down below me  
Take my sweet time  
Getting it back again  
What matters most will carry me  
Through the night to where I wanna be baby  
Take my sweet time  
But I'll be home again  
In my own sweet time yeah

Maybe when this is over I'll understand  
What I've got right here in my hands yeah  
Maybe I  
I'll ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  


**I don't know where the next road goes but I feel the wheels rolling down below me  
Take my sweet time  
I'm getting it back again  
What matters most will carry me  
Through the night to where I wanna be baby  
Take my sweet time  
I'll be home again**

In my own sweet time yeah yeah..  
In my own sweet time yeah yeah  
In my own sweet time yeah

The song ending, Jude feels a little sad. Performing her old songs had felt so good and she wished the feeling had never ended. Knowing that now was the time for her to introduce her new song and everyone was waiting: her fans with bated breath for her surprise, her friends and family with concern for how she was going to react, Nicolette and Richard with apprehension that she hadn't jumped into her finale yet, and Jude knew that it all came down to her decision.

"Jude, should I be unbuttoning my pants right about now?" Speed asks coming to join her towards the front of the stage.

Laughing Jude holds a hand over her microphone. "No, I don't think that's going to be necessary."

"Ok, but I would do it for you, I want you to know that."

"Thanks Speed, I know."

"So what are we doing? Isn't this supposed to be your introduction?"

"Speed when was the last time we free styled together?"

"What are you talking about Jude?"

"I have lyrics, but haven't gotten around to giving music to them. I'm thinking we could do that tonight, right her on stage. What do you say?"

"Are you sure Jude? I don't think Richard or Nicolette is going to like that."

"Since when do you care what anyone thinks? Come on Speed, you know it will be fun."

"Lets do it!" Speed says laughing. "You lead and I'll strum in when I know where you're headed."

"Great!" Jude says turning around and ignoring the glares she's getting from her producer and manager. "Just a minor change in songs, but no worries, this is the first time I'll be performing this. My producer hasn't even heard it yet! All I'm asking is for a little patience since there isn't any written music to this song yet…it's going to be a little shaky." The fans went from confused silence to roaring enthusiasm in five seconds flat. Smiling Jude starts strumming her guitar until she finds a beat that fit the mood she was going for with her newest song.

**I'm out on my own again  
Face down in the porcelain  
Feeling so low but looking so high  
Party favors on the floor  
The world banging on the door  
So many new fair-weather friends**

Have you ever been so lost  
Known the way and still so lost  


She had started writing it the night after the techie had tried to kiss her for publicity, but had shelved it not too long after starting it because she had hated everything she had been writing at the time. It wasn't until her closest friends and family had visited that she realized that this song had potential.

**  
Caught in the eye of a hurricane  
Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade  
So sick of this feeling pulling me down  
My family says I should come back home but  
Can't find the way cause the way is gone  
So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space**

Have you ever been so lost  
Known the way and still so lost  
Another night waiting for someone to take me home  
Have you ever been so lost

Is there a light  
Is there a light  
At the end of the road  
I'm pushing everyone away  
'Cause I can't feel this anymore  
Can't feel this anymore

Have you ever been so lost  
Known the way and still so lost  
Another night waiting for someone to take me home  
Have you ever been so lost  
Have you ever been so LOST.

It was when she was finishing this song that she wanted this to be her newest release, not That Was Us. This song was what she was feeling, this is what she wanted the fans to hear. Bowing and waving to the crowd Jude unplugs her guitar and hands it to the techie and waits for Speed to do the same. "That went better than I expected."Jude says throwing an arm over his shoulder.

"Don't start celebrating yet, it looks like Nicolette has steam blowing from her ears and I can't even read the expression on Richards face, but judging from the pallor of his skin I'm thinking we'll just meet up with you back at the apartment."

"Thanks Speed. Why don't you just feed me to the wolves while you're at it."

"You made your bed, now you get to sleep in it Harrison."

Walking backstage Jude walks through the wall that makes up security and sets her eyes on Jamie before quickly noting that her sister is nowhere to be found. Feeling slightly annoyed and hurt Jude walks to Jamie and smiles when he opens his arms for a hug. "I must admit you sure know how to shake things up, don't you?"

Laughing, Jude steps back and nods her head. "I do what I can. So do we know where Sadie ran off to?"

"Her phone kept going off so she finally answered it and the next thing I know she told me she needed to go somewhere quieter. I'm sure it was important Jude."

Shrugging her shoulders, Jude sighs. "It doesn't really matter."

"So ready to face the firing squad?" Jamie asks referring to her fuming manager.

"So you aren't going to abandon me like Speed did?" Jude asks smiling.

"Oh no, I am!" Jamie says with an small laugh. "Just wanted to be sure you were ready for them before I left you all alone."

"And…"

"I think you can hold your own." Hugging her again he steps back to find Speed, but quickly turns around. "Just remember you can always come home if they get to upset."

Nodding her head to show she heard Jude turns to face off with Nicolette and Richard. She is surprised however to find only one angry face, granted it was a VERY angry face a very unhealthy shade of purple, and a calm, almost neutral face that she hadn't been expecting.

"Jude!" Nicolette shouts rushing forward and coming to a frantic hault in front of Jude, invading her personal space. "Do you realize what you have done?! We don't accept or allow this kind of behavior here. What you did on stage will never happen again! Do you understand?"

"No." Jude says simply before brushing past her in the hallway to get towards her dressing room, knowing that Nicolette will be following after her.

"No! What do you mean no? Richard, aren't you going to say anything? She is your artist." Interested in what Richard would have to say since he had been surprisingly quiet and calm, Jude paused to look back at her producer, waiting for his response.

"I'm not very surprised that Jude did that. It's not the first time she has done something like this and if memory serves me correct her spirit and unconventional methods is part of the reason you wanted her." Catching Jude's eyes he smirks, "Besides, you told Jude she needed to perform a new song and she did. It just wasn't the one we had planned for." Shrugging his shoulders, "the fans didn't care, so I don't see the harm."

"That's it?! That's all you have to say?" Jude asks shocked, not even thinking that she should be grateful that Richard was reacting so calmly.

"What else can I say?" Richard asks.

Confused with why he is being so reasonable Jude doesn't notice Nicolette steaming quietly until the woman snaps. "Jude this is not ok." Having enough of the lecture and with nothing left to say for herself at the moment Jude turns and continues to her dressing room, completely blocking out whatever Nicolette was saying.

Stopping outside her room Jude holds up her hand, which silences Nicolette and causes Richard to raise an appraising eyebrow. "We can discuss this tomorrow Nicolette, but right now all I want to do is spend some time with my friends and family before they have to leave for home."

"Jude…!"

"Goodnight Nicolette." Jude says turning back and opening her dressing room door to find Sadie standing in the middle looking down at her phone. "Sadie…?" Jude asks confused.

"Jude!" Sadie says looking up at her sister and not even seeing the two people standing behind her. "W-we have t-t-to go home, t-to T-toronto." With tears falling down her face and her voice cracking it took Sadie a second to get the words out.

"Sadie what's wrong?" Jude asks rushing to her side.

"Th-there's been an… an accident!"


	12. Chapter 12

**SURPRISE! I don't know where this inspiration came from, but I'm just going to go with it until it disappears on me again. I'm hoping to finish this story before that happens because you all deserve better than that. I was shocked when I received a review and a PM last week asking me to keep writing for this story. I had thought it was long forgotten, but that brought this back to my attention and I really want to try and finish it. I must admit that I'm a little rusty with this story and have forgotten where this was originally headed, but I hope you all stick with me as I try and get back into these characters head and find my footing in this story. It really has been a long time since I even watched the show, but I'm watching the dvds and will do my best.  
Thank you so much to those still out there reading and especially to the reviewers...you are all awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or these characters.**

The planes tires had barely touched down on Toronto soil before the Harrison sisters were pulling at their seatbelts and being ushered by the flight attendants to sit down until the pilot had taxied to a stop and they were able to get off safely. "Ms. Harrison I told you already that as soon as the pilot has given us an all clear you and your party will be the first ones off the plane. Until that time you must remained seated and buckled."

"And I told you that we might not have time for all of that and that I want off this plane now!" Sadie's voice rising with every word. "I don't care if the pilot stops right here and you wheel up one of those stairs things...you get my sister and I off this damn plane or there will be consequences! You don't know who you're dealing with, but I can and will make your life miserable if you..."

Jamie, who had been concerned most of the flight with how silent Jude had gotten, felt it was time to maybe give some attention to the other Harrison sister. "Sadie perhaps its' not the best idea to harass this nice woman who is just doing her job?" Jamie says jumping up and pulling on the angry blondes arm. "We wouldn't want security to be called and delay us even further now would we?"

Sadie went willingly with Jamie back to her seat, surprising him and the flight attendant. But she definitely didn't go quietly. "Jamie we don't have time for this! It's over an 11 hour flight from London to here and who knows what could've happened between when we took off and now?"

"Perhaps you should turn on your phone and see if there has been an update? I'm sure it's safe to do that now that we've landed and we're taxiing to the terminal. And while you're doing that I will see to getting some transportation to the hospital from here."

"On no Darius said he already took care of that, he'll have someone waiting for us I'm sure." Sadie says already a little bit calmer since someone else had taken control. "How's Jude doing?" She asks waiting for her phone to boot up.

Jamie looks up to glance at Speed, who hadn't left Jude's side since the call had come in, and Speed just shook his head with a small frown. After Sadie had a chance to calm down and explain, Jude had slipped into a silent crying jag until she had passed out from exhaustion somewhere over the Atlantic. She woke up a little bit ago, but had yet to say anything. She had left her headphones on and her mind seemed to be off somewhere else as she stared out the window. "She's alright Sadie." Jamie finally settles on, not knowing what else there was to say.

"No! Nothing...absolutely nothing since before we took off! How is that possible Jamie?" Sadie asks slamming her phone down in her lap. "It's been nearly half a day!"

Jamie didn't know what to say to her, he didn't have an answer that he felt would suit her right now as upset as she was. So he looked once again to Speed for answers, but he apparently didn't know what to say either. "Well Sadie...don't they say no news is usually good news?" From the look she sent him it was obvious she didn't agree, but before she could say anything the flight attendant came on over the intercom.

_"Ladies and gentleman the pilot has informed me we've pulled up to the gate and will soon begin exiting the plane. We have a group that needs to exit immediately due to an emergency and once they have cleared we will then proceed to release you row by row. Please remain seated until you've been told otherwise. Thank you for flying Trans-Continental and please enjoy your stay in Toronto."_

Figuring that to be their cue Sadie immediately stands back up and is reaching over head for their carry-on luggage, handing bags to Jamie and Speed who had both stood up as well. Only Jude remained seated, but that was probably due to the fact she hadn't heard the intercom over her music. Sadie throwing her strap over her shoulder sits down next to Jude and softly rubs her arm until she has her attention. "Jude we've landed and are finally able to get off the plane."

"We're in Toronto already?" Jude asks pulling the buds out of her ears.

"Already? Jude it's noon London time, meaning it's 7AM here. You slept most of the flight."

Looking around to see both Jamie and Speed staring at her in concern Jude fully wakes from her daze and sits up straighter. "Have we heard anything new since I fell asleep?"

"No we haven't, but I'm sure once we get to the hospital there will be an update. But Jude we have to get off the plane though, they're delaying the rest of the passengers for us." Sadie says looking up to see the attendant patiently waiting, feeling a little guilty now for harassing her before.

"Oh...of course." Jude says standing up and reaching for her bag, but Speed just waves her off. Turning back around she follows behind Sadie off the plane, only able to offer a small grimace of a smile to the kind woman. "How are we getting there?" She asks once they four of them are off the plane and making their way towards the exit. None of them had bothered to pack more than a carry-on since they wouldn't want to wait around for luggage anyways.

"Darius said he would have someone waiting for us. He just didn't say who." Sadie says scanning the different drivers looking for either a familiar face or sign with their name on it. Before she had gotten half way through the faces Jude was pushing past her and into the arms of their waiting driver. "I should've known it would be you." Sadie says with a small, sad smile.

"I was there when Darius called and offered before he was even off the phone." Big Lou said wrapping Jude in one arm and pulling in Sadie with the other. "How are you doing?" He asks easily looking over their heads at Jamie and Speed who both looked as sad as the girls had.

"We're worried of course." Sadie says leaning back to look up at him. "Do you have an update? There wasn't one on my phone when we landed." Before he even spoke Sadie could tell from the look on in his face that he didn't.

"I'm sorry no. I've been here for the last few hours since we weren't sure which flight you would get on and when you would land."

"Oh Lou you didn't have to do that." Jude says stepping back with Sadie.

"I didn't want you to have to wait around." He says with a shrug before reaching out and grabbing the bag off of Sadie's shoulder. "Where are we headed? You all look like you could use some sleep and, no offense, but a good shower too."

Jude and Sadie didn't even have to say anything they both just looked at each other and nodded before looking back at Lou and speaking simultaneously. "To the hospital." And with those words the group of five made their way out of the airport and into the rain.

The elevator ride up took forever in Jude's opinion, especially considering the fact the flight over had felt like she had blinked and they were in Toronto. Everything from the moment she had stepped into her dressing room to find an upset Sadie had felt like a blur until right now. Now it was if time was standing still and Jude didn't mind at all if that were true, because being stuck on this elevator was a better alternative to whatever awaited them behind these doors.

"It's going to be ok Jude." Sadie says again for what felt like the hundredth time since they had landed. Jude just nodded and stared straight ahead, wishing that the words and the small comforting smile offered really would make it true.

"I know." Jude responds and reaches out to grasp her sisters'hand and is surprised by how warm it felt compared to hers.

"Jude you're freezing!" Sadie says reaching over first to grasp Jude's other hand and then to feel her forehead. "You don't feel sick do you?"

"Besides for the obvious reasons you mean? No." Jude says with a small shake of her head.

Jamie comes up behind her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "Jude just gets a little cold when she's upset." When everyone just continues to look at her with concern Jamie tries to explain further. "She does! Remember Sadie when we were all still kids and yours and Jude's grandmother passed awa…" Jamie tries to cut off his words as soon as he realizes what he was saying, but it was already too late. Sadie was gasping and covering her hand with her mouth and Lou was staring over her shoulder and glaring hard at Jamie.

"Good one Jamester." Speed mutters elbowing him in the side.

"Jude…Sadie I am…I'm so sorry!" Jamie says shaking his head."I didn't mean to say…it doesn't mean that…"

"I think you've said enough." Lou comments as the elevator doors finally open and Sadie immediately exits with Lou right behind.

Before following after them Jude turns and offers Jamie a weak smile. "It's ok I know what you were trying to say, I do get the chills when I'm upset. Always have."

"I'm sorry." Jamie says again as she turns around to exit the elevator.

"She knows dude." Speed says clapping him on the back and pushing him off to follow behind until they're at the desk listening to Sadie argue with the nurse.

"I'm sorry miss we just had a change in shift I will look and see if I can find the information you're asking for." The nurse says obviously intimidated as she sits down at the computer.

"I just can't believe nobody has any information for us!"Sadie is saying in angry hushed words turning back to around to face the group."This is truly ridiculous. Where is his doctor? Shouldn't someone have answers? And why isn't there someone here waiting for us?" She asks looking at Lou for some sort of answer.

"Sadie calm down." Jude urges when her sisters voice keeps rising.

"No I will not calm down!" Sadie says her eyes starting to fill with tears. "He's our father Jude!"

Jude's own eyes were starting to fill with tears as she pulls Sadie in for a hug, holding on a little tighter than normal. "I know Sades, I know." Their hug was finally broken up by the sound of a familiar voice approaching.

"How long have you guys been here?" Darius asks as he approaches. "I just stepped out to make a phone call to Lou to find out about your flight and could hear Sadie all the way down the hall."

"Darius, you're here." Sadie says pulling away from Jude and immediately getting pulled into a hug from Darius, causing everyone around them to raise their eyebrows. "Have you heard anything about our dad?"

"No, only what I told you before. They won't say anymore until you guys got here." He says stepping back to look first at Sadie and then over at Jude. "It's good to see you Jude, I'm sorry it just has to be under these conditions."

"Yea, the same." Jude says with a nod.

"So if you don't have any new information, what are you doing here?" Jamie says asking the obvious question.

"I figured after Lou picked you guys up at the airport this would be your first stop, thought a familiar face might be nice."

"It is." Sadie immediately agrees sending Jamie a pointed look.

"Alright, alright." Speed says breaking into the tension of the group and wrapping an arm around Jude's shoulders. "So D is here to offer comfort, which might be a little strange and creepy, but still surprisingly thoughtful. Moving on…do you know who we could speak to now that sisters Harrison are here?"

"That would be me." A man, the doctor judging by the white coat, says walking up and holds hand out first to Sadie and then Jude to shake."My name is Dr. Jeffries."

"Hello, I'm Sadie Harrison, this is my sister Jude. Our father is Stuart Harrison and he was admitted some time yesterday I believe. Please tell me there is some sort of update by now."

"There is." He says almost cryptically looking both sisters in the eyes.

"And…" Jude asks first feeling tired and drained from all the suspense.

"Why don't you both come with me, somewhere we can talk in private?" He says eyeing the group of men standing behind these two girls.

"No they can stay. Please…would you just tell us how our father is doing." Sadie says reaching blindly for Jude's hand and sighing in relief when her sisters is there waiting for her.

Dr. Jeffries just nods his head once and even before he opens his mouth Jude knows that whatever he has to say, it wasn't going to be good. She recognized the signs from back when she was waiting for news on Patsy. First there was the bone chilling cold she was feeling, because like Jamie said she just got cold when upset. And now the look of hesitancy on the doctors face. He was doing just what that doctor did then, second guessing words and actions, not knowing the best way to break the news. She couldn't stand it any longer and was ready to say so when the doctor finally speaks.

"I'm sorry girls…" He starts to say and Jude can tell he's still speaking as she watches his lips move, but there's a hallow noise filling her ears blocking out his words and the room is dimming until it finally goes black. Everyone around Jude jumps in surprise when she starts to fall to the ground and Lou was only seconds too late from catching her before she hits the ground with a hard thud.

**Like I said I'm rusty, but I hope at my first shot back into this world isn't too terrible. Thanks again everyone and stay tuned!**


End file.
